How Do I Know When I’m Healed?
Short answer: there isn’t a short answer.
Healing isn’t linear. It happens in waves, in layers, in ways you don’t always recognize until you’re tested. And here’s the truth—your level of healing is only revealed when the wound is touched.
Most people understand PTSD in a general sense, but let’s define it with a little more depth. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an intense emotional response to an event, a phrase, a moment that echoes a previous devastation. I’m not talking about everyday sadness or disappointment—I mean categorical trauma. The kind that rewires you. Betrayal. Abuse. Manipulation. Gaslighting so severe that you start to question reality.
When we endure this kind of damage—whether through toxic relationships or unforeseen calamity—our brain registers it as an emergency and makes a solemn vow: never again. And if we even think about walking down that road again? The brain sounds the alarm and says, “Oh, you wanna try that again? Cool. Here’s a full-body panic attack, like spiders crawling all over you.” That’s what it means to be triggered.
Triggers are the brain’s attempt at self-defense. The trauma loads the gun, and when something even remotely resembles what broke you, the brain fires. What does that look like? Maybe you lash out. Maybe you shut down. Maybe you spiral.
So, how do you know when you’re healed?
Here’s the first sign: You’re no longer triggered.
Your trauma response is like a detour—a road you take to avoid those painful potholes of the past. But if you keep using the detour, how will you ever know if the main road has been repaired?
There are three things that rebuild mental roads:
God.
Good People.
Going Deeper.
God reminds you who you really are. Reading scripture and following His guidance isn’t just about rules—it’s about rebuilding yourself from the inside out.
Good people are the chocolate chips of life. They remind you that the world isn’t all sharp edges and broken glass. They reinforce your healing. And here’s something to consider—triggers aren’t always negative. Someone loving you well can trigger something in you too. A kind gesture. A thoughtful gift. A moment of genuine care. Sometimes, healing requires learning how to receive good things again.
And that leads us to the hardest part…
Going Deeper.
Healing isn’t just about what happened to you—it’s about understanding why you were in that situation to begin with. What was inside of you that tolerated it? That attracted it? That mistook red flags for familiarity?
That’s not about self-blame. It’s about self-responsibility.
Because the truth is, you are the common denominator in your life. You choose your environment, the people you engage with, the way you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set (or don’t). Going deeper means unpacking all of that—not alone, but with someone who can help you make sense of it. A trusted friend. A mentor. A therapist, if you can afford one.
Which brings me to the next sign that you’re healing: You make better decisions.
It’s not your fault if you touch a hot pan once. But if you touch it again—after knowing it burns—you’re working against your own wisdom.
“But Maria, people aren’t hot pans.”
I know. I know. It’s so much more complicated. Sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we can’t escape. A parent. A co-parent. A boss. Someone who exists in that painful duality—both a source of difficulty and a presence we have to navigate.
That’s hard. But you? You’re harder to break.
You know you’re healing when you’re faced with the same situation that used to unravel you… but you don’t unravel. You respond instead of reacting. You see the moment for what it is—without letting it dictate your emotions.
Let me give you a real example.
One of my kids gaslit me once. And before I healed, that wrecked me. I love my children more than anything, so when I felt unappreciated, I would react with tears and anger. But after doing the work, I faced the same situation with a different response.
She wanted to wear slippers to the mall. I said, “Um, heck no.”
She said, “You just don’t want me to go.”
And there it was—that little sting of emotional manipulation.
The old me would’ve been triggered. But the healed me? I spoke from a place of peace. I said, “Honey, I want to come. But, we’re leaving now and only people without slippers can come.” Humor always helps to reorient relationship frustrations.
How do you respond from a healed place?
Simple. Speak words that represent you five minutes after you’re no longer upset.
In the heat of the moment, ask yourself: What would I say once the emotions settle? And then say that.
It sounds impossible—until you do it.
And that brings us to the final marker of healing: Living in peace.
Not just in your circumstances—but in your mind.
Your thought life is your real life. That’s what creates your world. So ask yourself:
What does your mental home look like?
Is it clean and organized?
Is it semi-tidy with a few closets of chaos?
Or is it a full-blown TLC Hoarders episode?
Whatever the state of it—you can clean it up. It won’t happen overnight, but healing is a process of making space. Clearing out old narratives. Creating order where there was once disorder.
And about those potholes? Here’s the truth: Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
Time helps. But healing comes from a 360-degree approach—mind, body, and soul working together to reclaim your wholeness.
That’s how you live like the version of you who was never hurt.
But listen—there’s no arrival. There’s no finish line where you suddenly have it all figured out. I’m healed, but I’m also still alive. Still growing. Still learning. Still getting better every single day.
So let’s challenge ourselves this week to go deeper.
Ask someone you trust:
"What’s something you think I need to heal from that I might not be noticing?"
Because no matter how much progress we’ve made, we all have blind spots. And the beauty of healing is that it’s never too late to start again.
Until next time,
Maria 🌹
