You’re Never Gonna Be Jell-O

Oh, dear reader, today we begin with a question that only surfaces when life throws us a paradox—when the usual rhythm of order, chaos, and fleeting wonder is interrupted. You know those moments: when something unexpectedly funny happens with a loved one, or your child lingers in our embrace just a little longer? I call them bite-sized blessings. They feel so good.

But what happens when someone wants to take it a step further and cherish you—when they see you as the treasure you truly are? Do you feel worthy of such devotion?

One of my favorite quotes is, “We must handle each other with silk gloves.”

So, are you worthy of unconditional love? The kind where you are fully known and fully adored? The short answer? Every single day—and twice on Sunday.

How do I know this? It’s not because I’m some enlightened sage, commissioned to remind humanity of its inherent and irrefutable worth (though, I must admit, typing that sentence was fun). And while I’d gladly accept such a position—especially if it comes with an official pendant—that’s not the reason.

I know this truth about you because it’s written in the ultimate life manual: the Bible.

Pour another cup of coffee, dear reader. We’re going deeper.

Your worth was determined by the One who created you.

He said you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
He said He knew you before you were even formed in your mother’s womb.
He said He knows the number of hairs on your head.
He said He collects your tears.

Can we trust this valuation? Without a doubt. Why? Because the Bible isn’t just a collection of poetic musings or moral tales—it is the only book on Earth that contains 570 fulfilled prophecies.

Let’s put that into perspective. Imagine an ancient guru—a man of 114 years, living in solitude atop a mountain, speaking only when wisdom demands it. You trek five grueling hours up rocky terrain, sweat beading at your brow, until you finally stand before him. He gestures for you to sit. And surrounding you, carved into the stone walls, are 570 predictions—each one spoken by him, each one fulfilled.

You have one question. A burning question. What is your question?

You utter it slowly, then wait in silence. He looks at you with knowing, timeworn eyes, and then… he speaks.

Would you listen? Of course you would. Because, as the saying goes: people lie, numbers don’t.

570 fulfilled prophecies mean the Bible is more than ancient text—it is our single source of truth.

And if God, the ultimate authority, declares that you are worthy—soak that in. Let it sink so deeply into your spirit that you redefine yourself. Worthy becomes your first name, and every other name follows.

And don’t do that thing—don’t rifle through your mental Rolodex of all the ways you’ve fallen short, the ways you think you aren’t as worthy as you once were. Remember: Noah was a drunk. David orchestrated a murder just to claim another man’s wife. Paul ordered the deaths of those who believed in the very gospel he was later called to proclaim.

Yet, God still called them. Used them. Loved them.

And He calls, uses, and loves you—flaws, failures, and all.

You are worthy beyond measure. Period.

Okay, this will hurt. Trigger warning. There are people who will never see your worth and will treat you accordingly. Are you surprised? Probably not.

As Julia Roberts’ character said in My Best Friend’s Wedding, “You’re crème brûlée. And he wants Jell-O.” To which Cameron Diaz’s character replied, “I can be Jell-O.” Let’s park here for a moment—never shrink yourself into Jell-O for someone.

You are crème brûlée—not just any crème brûlée, but the finest, made in a quaint restaurant on the hillside of the South of France. You are exceptional. You deserve people who, rather than diminish you, would sooner bow out of your life than treat you as anything less than perfect for them. That’s the thing—no one is perfect, but you can be perfect to the right person. Because for them, you are the missing puzzle piece, your jagged edges fitting seamlessly into the curves of their nature and experience.

Don’t we know this to be true with our children? I wouldn’t trade my Minerva and Miladys for the entire world.

Yesterday, we watched the story of Sally Hemings—the enslaved woman of Thomas Jefferson, a fair-skinned woman who, fun fact, was actually the half-sister of Jefferson’s wife, who had passed away early in their marriage. During a trip to Paris, Sally had the chance to stay behind and be free.

Side note: I despise slavery movies and documentaries. My parents must have watched Roots at least 457 times during my childhood—no exaggeration. Mom, can I get a vouch?

Slavery was one of the darkest, most twisted chapters in America’s history. I know I am living in the dream of some of my ancestors when I say this: I never think about color. Who cares? None of that matters in the grand scheme of things. What matters is how you make people feel.

Sally ultimately chose to return to Virginia because Jefferson promised to free all her children once they reached adulthood. He kept his word. But she herself wasn’t freed until her early 50s.

After we finished the documentary, Mila turned to me and asked, “Mommy, would you come back to America for me? Or would you stay in Paris and be free?”

I looked at her and said, “Baby… I’d live in chains for you if it meant I could see you again. I could never choose freedom over you.”

She smiled. And I meant it.

That’s it, dear reader.

Would the people you hold close choose you every time? Do they make you feel worthy of sacrifice? Or are you just the free toy that comes with a Happy Meal—a fun and convenient distraction, soon to be discarded?

When someone doesn’t see your value, it is not your fault. Our value is perceived in direct correlation with a person’s level of growth. When someone is on a different path in their journey, they see you like Mount Everest—a thrilling challenge to climb, but not a place they intend to build a home.

Signs that you are being undervalued:

• They find fault with you easily.

• They lack the grace to forgive small mistakes.

• They prioritize others over you.

• And the ultimate red flag? Broken promises.

Think of your growth and self-worth like currency—USD.

If someone is operating at a lower frequency, they may have money—but it’s in Pesos. A part of them may wish to exchange true affection and commitment, but they simply don’t have the means to pay for it. And here’s the kicker—there is no currency exchange in the frequency of love.

Either you share the same currency, or you don’t do business.

Why? Because if they try to love you on their terms, you will always be the one getting shortchanged. Their Pesos will buy empty conversations that fizzle out every ten minutes. They’ll buy thoughtless gifts, half-commitments, and a love that requires constant resuscitation.

Why do I assume you have USD?

Oh, because you’re fabulous, and everybody knows it.

You see, there’s a beautiful gift God gave us called free will. We get to choose the people who celebrate our worthiness—those who delight in more than just our smile. A smile is easy. Hand me a hundred bucks, and I’ll smile on the outside. But give me understanding, gentleness, and loyalty, and I’ll smile from the inside out.

We are never trapped in our circles, relationships, or friendships. We have the power to choose those who see the sparkle in our eyes—the ones who know they hit the jackpot when we entered their lives. People who recognize our worth are rare, not because we are unworthy, but because most people simply don’t see value in themselves. So, they struggle to see it in others.

In order to see someone through the lens of worthiness, you must first feel worthy yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. Love, acceptance, and tenderness must flow from a place of deep, unshakable self-worth.

So, let me ask you—do you feel worthy of love? If someone were to extend a grand gesture of affection toward you, would you be open to receiving it? It’s natural to feel a flicker of humility in those moments, but at your core, do you believe that good things are supposed to happen to you?

Breaking news: Good things are supposed to happen to you.

For too long, my life has felt like a revolving door of almost-love and inevitable disappointment because I contorted myself to fit into spaces I was never meant to occupy. But, dear reader, you and I are are not Jello. We are a French delicacy. And Jello people? They need other Jello people. Some individuals will never change, and that is their right. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to understand them. Don’t mold them. That’s above your pay grade. That’s God’s work. You have one job. And by the way, I love that saying—like when Chick-fil-A forgets my extra pickles, I’ll say to my girls, “They had one job.” But seriously, you have one job and two responsibilities:

1. To recognize your own worthiness.

2. To treat the people you love like they are worthy, too.

This is the foundation of love. It’s the root of every accomplishment and the birthplace of every blessing.

So here’s our challenge this week: Tell someone they are worthy. You’d be surprised how rarely we hear those words, even from those who love us most. Tell them: You are worthy. Add a little sauce if you want. Make it your own.

And then—look in the mirror and tell yourself.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

What’s Trust Got To Do With It?

Ahh, here we are again. It’s Sunday, and the world outside is breathtaking. Let me take you there.

The sky is a crystal-clear blue, and the sun holds its own space, unbothered by the clouds. Those puffs of white sit low and fluffy, like a heavenly runway. It’s about 70 degrees—still considered winter where I grew up in Virginia. But winter in San Diego? It’s like the playful nibbles of a baby kitten. The cold comes, but then warmth gets jealous and takes center stage.

I can feel the sun pressing against my back as my shadow shields my laptop screen, allowing me to write. So, sit with me. Right here, next to me, while we unpack the three S’s of trust in relationships.

I used to think trust was automatic. Like—of course, I trust you. Why wouldn’t I? Do you see me at 14 years old? Do you see yourself at 14 years old? Yeah. Naivety and trust make a dangerous combination. Why? Because trust is one of the most valuable currencies on this earth. It’s the nails that hold all relationships together. Sure, you can try to build without nails, but the first storm will bring everything crashing down.

This journey with trust? It’s been a rocky road. Full disclosure—I reached a point where I thought trusting someone was like that unreachable place in Pan’s Labyrinth. You talk about it, maybe even chase it, but you never quite get there. That was post-trauma Maria talking, of course. Like Jim Carrey said in Liar Liar, “Everybody lies. Even the wonderful Jerry lies.” One of the best inside-joke films ever, by the way. Okay, one more: “Whatever takes the focus off your head.” If you just laughed, bless you.

But trust is deeper than the stories we tell. Our testaments matter, but they’re only one-third of the trust equation. After all, what we’re really unpacking is—how do you know if you can trust someone at all?

Is it possible? Yes, of course. The disciples of Jesus are a powerful example of the trust we humans are capable of. Each of them endured unthinkably tragic deaths because of their faith in our Savior. Each of them shared the gospel with all their heart and mind, proving to be trustworthy servants.

And yet, trusting people is hard. Because trust is power. It’s like a knife. You can use it to chop vegetables and make a meal, or you can use it to cut someone and make them bleed. What you do with the trust you’re given determines how deep you can go in a relationship. You know that saying, “There are levels to this”? Yeah. That’s it.

At my job, I’m the only person apart from the CEO who has full access to the bank account. I know what everyone is paid. I know all the passwords to everything. I even know the CEO’s social security number. Sidenote: I’m the Operations Manager, so I have to know these things to report accurately and support the CEO. But I don’t take this trust lightly. It’s an enormous privilege—one I guard closely.

I remember the time I needed to buy a tablecloth for the lunchroom. I had the company credit card, approved for purchases like this, but my CEO hadn’t responded yet to confirm. It was just five bucks at CVS. I could have easily swiped the card. It wasn’t for me—it was for the company.

But here’s the thing: trust isn’t built on big moments. It’s built in the small ones.

So, I paid for the tablecloth with my own money. Because in light of the millions I’m trusted to oversee, that five dollars was a test. And I knew—the true measure of trust isn’t just in what you say or do. It’s in what you could do but don’t.

Which brings me to—

The First Pillar of Trust: Safety

Safety—Do You Feel Safe with Who You Trust?

Think about someone you’d go to bat for. Someone you’d search for in every lifetime. The person you allow yourself to experience the rarest form of vulnerability with. Maybe it’s your children, your partner, your best friend, your parents. We all need someone who holds the power to find fault in us, to make us feel foolish—but here’s the kicker: they don’t. Instead, they let us be fully alive.

Picture this—you’re in a store, and there’s a small set of steps right at the entrance. You’re distracted, lost in thought, and then—bam. You trip, and not in a graceful, recoverable way. No, you reinvent falling. You wipe out so hard that all the coolness you’ve cultivated over the years is instantly revoked. Now, who are you sharing that moment with? Not in the “oh my God, I’m mortified” sense, but in the “who would just laugh with me, no judgment, and act like it never happened five seconds later” kind of way—only for it to be brought up at a random time in the future, of course. But, who’s there?

That’s trust. That’s safety. And it feels so good, doesn’t it?

Because the truth is, you can’t be vulnerable with 99% of people. Opening your heart to someone is sacred. So sacred, in fact, that this kind of trust is the most fragile of all.

It’s the five-year-old in us who hides in the deepest corridors of our mind, the part of us that retreats from all of life’s adulting. He runs from relationships, from risk, from anything that threatens his existence. But then—if we’re lucky—when we have children, he peeks around the corner, observing curiously, stepping back into the room. Still cautious. Still protective of his innocence.

He tiptoes into connections, sitting at the farthest point of the couch, watching. But the moment he senses betrayal, shame, or a reason to guard his heart, he disappears. And never comes back.

We must protect our five-year-old self. Because he—or she—is the best, purest part of our soul.

The Second Pillar of Trust: Storytelling

As a writer, I’ve come to realize that all human interaction is storytelling. Every conversation we have—whether we’re recounting our day, venting about work, or reflecting on the past—it’s all a story. We chart new paths with words, weave meaning from experience, and build bridges through the simple act of sharing.

A long time ago, I heard Oprah say that it’s important to ask the right questions in relationships. I agree. But I’d like to take that thought a step further. You shouldn’t have to pepper your children, your partner, or your closest friends with endless questions just to reach the single source of truth. Candid storytelling—the kind that flows naturally, without interrogation or hesitation—is a vital part of trust.

So why is it so hard to tell people the whole story?

Oh, I know why. Actually, Jack Nicholson said it best. You know the line.

Because most people can’t handle the truth.

They run. They cry. They ghost. They judge. They try to change you. They do everything but listen. They do everything but allow you the full opportunity to love yourself inside of your whole truth—in the presence of another.

No human is perfect.

You know you can trust someone when they receive your stories with the kind of warmth that feels like they’re hugging the parts of you that died. Resurrection happens in their response, in the way they affirm that you are allowed to be hopelessly, utterly flawed—yet still fervently loved.

I remember when I had to tell my daughters something I was deeply ashamed of. I had just finished writing my memoir, and I didn’t want them to read about it without first hearing the full truth from me. I needed to give them more context than what I had written in those pages.

Oh, I was sobbing, dear reader. And not a graceful, glistening-tears kind of cry. No, this was ugly crying—snot running down my nose, my breath catching in my chest. I didn’t want them to look at me differently. I wanted, so badly, to always be their perfect mommy. But I wasn’t. And in that moment, I was terrified of losing my place in their hearts.

I have to admit—I’m crying as I type this.

But I finished my story. I told them my truth.

After a long pause, my oldest looked at me and simply said, “Oh, Mommy. It’s okay. We understand. We love you.”

In that moment, I knew—without a doubt—that the second pillar of trust is trusting our stories with the people we love. And, just as important, it’s receiving their stories with compassion, with empathy, and with the unshakable confidence that trust, when honored, can hold the weight of even our heaviest truths. So, this brings us to the third and final pillar of trust.

The Third Pillar of Trust: Solutions

Do you trust their plan? Do you trust how they problem-solve? Are you ready and willing to walk with them where they’re going?

The answers to these questions will make or break the happiness you experience with the people you trust. Because here’s the truth: everyone is heading somewhere. The question is—where are you going?

When you think about the people in your life whom you trust, do your destinations align? Not in the small ways—your goals, your lifestyles, your quirks. Those are details. The coordinates I’m talking about are much broader than that.

Are they actively trying to become the highest version of themselves? That’s a coordinate.
Can they navigate great difficulty and disappointment without projecting blame or becoming abusive? That’s a coordinate.
Are they a person whom other people trust? (Huge indicator.) That’s a coordinate.
Do they assume the positive when things don’t go as expected? That’s a coordinate.

Here’s the problem: when you’re trying to build trust with someone who isn’t moving toward the same mental destination, you’re both looking at the same image—but from completely different vantage points.

Hold your hand up in front of you, palm toward your face. You see the lines, the details, the marks of your journey etched into your skin. Now imagine someone else looking at that same hand—but from behind. They don’t see the lines. They see only the color on the back of your hand.

You say, Why can’t you see these lines?
And they shake their head and respond, Why can’t you see the back of your hand?

It’s impossible to turn your hand in a way that allows you both to see the same thing. Because the moment you shift, they shift. The moment you turn, they turn. You remain locked in opposing perspectives.

I say all this to underscore one simple truth: it is impossible to build trust with someone who isn’t moving toward your mental destination.

But is it the end-all, be-all, Maria? If I don’t trust someone I love in this way, should I just walk away? Can trust be rebuilt?

Well, I’ll answer your question with a question.

Once a glass shatters, can you piece it back together?

Technically, yes. But it will be painstaking. And there will always be microscopic pieces missing—fragments that cannot be recovered. The glass may still stand again, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking from it.

Now, there’s one more element of trust I haven’t touched on. One that deserves its own space, its own deep dive, its own reckoning.

Do you trust yourself?

You are the common denominator in your relationships, dear reader. Do you trust yourself to create safety? To be fully honest in your storytelling? To offer a solution-oriented connection?

If your answer is yes—God bless your journey.

And if your answer is no—that’s okay. Unpack those feelings. Begin again today. You are worth learning and growing, even if you were the only person on this planet.

Our Challenge?

I thought you’d never ask.

The next time you talk to someone you trust, give them your undivided attention. Even if it’s just for five minutes. Zone all the way in. Absorb their energy. Be so fully present that your affections are unquestionable.

Because you can never have too much cheese.
You can never have too much money.
And you can never feel too safe with someone you trust.

Those things are best in abundance.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Palm Trees and Fog

Palm Trees and Fog

The title of this blog has nothing to do with the context. If you’ve been here a while, you know I like to mix things up every now and then.

Here’s what we’re going to talk about: raising kids and how to find time for yourself while doing so.

You’re going there, Maria? Oh yes, I’m going there.

I’ve been a single mom since before AirPods. Yep, it’s been a while. I got divorced in 2013, so this whole “me time” journey is something I’ve had to learn how to navigate. And yes, it’s harder for single parents to carve out a moment in their day that isn’t consumed by responsibility, delegation, or the constant illusion that we have it all together. But truthfully? It’s hard for all parents.

So take a moment and pat yourself on the back. No, really—I’ll wait. Actually do it. I just pat myself on the back and it felt weird, but so good at the same time.

Because so often, self-encouragement only lives in our thoughts. Let’s bring that inner love into the real world. Remind yourself that you’re doing great. How do I know? Because the simple fact that you woke up today means that God is giving you another opportunity—to love, to grow, to make progress.

Now, maybe you’re reading this and you’re not a parent. That’s okay—read anyway. In the U.S., approximately 90% of adults become parents, so chances are, at some point, you’ll find yourself wondering this very same thing: How do I find time to work on myself while raising happy, healthy children?

One Word: Boundaries

Recently, I listened to the Huberman Lab podcast, and the guest psychologist said something that stuck with me: Boundaries do not require action from another party. It’s YOUR boundary.

According to ChatGPT (aka my favorite know-it-all):

A boundary in human relationships is a limit or guideline that defines what behaviors, interactions, and expectations are acceptable or unacceptable between individuals. Boundaries help protect a person’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being while fostering mutual respect and healthy connections.

That second sentence though… boundaries help protect our emotional health, physical health, and mental well-being.

What does that look like when raising kids? It means fighting.

Wait—let me explain.

Fighting doesn’t always have to be negative. When we fight for something, it means we believe in it. We need it. And we will take the necessary action to uphold a certain standard.

Fight for your me-time. Because the only way you can pour into your family and friends is if your own cup isn’t empty. Otherwise, you’ll be leaning over, but nothing will come out.

What does that look like in real life? It looks like exhaustion disguised as “just pushing through.” It looks like working non-stop to feel a sense of accomplishment because your personal life feels chaotic. It looks like being stuck in a mental loop—ruminating on things that don’t uplift your perspective.

So, let’s talk about solutions. Here are three ways I actively fight for time to refill my cup with energy that sustains me.

1. Journaling

A 2021 study published in JAMA Psychiatry found that gratitude journaling significantly decreased symptoms of depression and increased overall well-being.

I will literally lock my door to journal sometimes. Because my private thoughts matter. Yours do too.

Talk to yourself. Talk to God. Talk to your future. And sometimes—just for fun—I journal about a day that doesn’t even exist yet.

It might look something like this:

"I loved spending time by my Olympic pool today. It was so relaxing to float by the waterfall, and then write in my study. Sony Pictures called—they want to option my screenplay, and I’m so grateful."

Maybe you already journal. Maybe you don’t at all. If you’re the latter, try it today. Just grab a piece of paper, write the date, and fill the page with what you did today, what you’re grateful for, or whatever’s on your mind. Pour into your cup.

2. Articulating My Needs (Out Loud)

Another way I make time for myself is by saying—out loud—to my kids:

"I’m going to get some sushi for myself and have some quiet time at a restaurant. Unless there’s an emergency, please do not call mommy."

When I was a younger mom, I didn’t realize we have to articulate these things. Sometimes, we feel so overwhelmed and entitled to personal decompression that we just take the alone time we desperately need—without explanation.

But… is this jail? And are our kids the wardens?

Umm, yes. Parenthood is a beautiful jail that we built for ourselves. (I’m Kidding. Mostly.)

But in all seriousness—you’re not in jail. You just have to be more intentional. And that’s not a bad thing.

No matter how old your kids are, set the precedent that your personal time matters. Even if they’re toddlers, you can say, “I’m putting you down for a nap and then I’m having some time to myself.” They’ll stare at you like you just spoke Mandarin—but still, you’re laying the foundation.

Because here’s the truth: You are your own person. You have a life outside of being “Mom” or “Dad.” And that’s a good thing.

3. Long Walks—The Metaphor & The Practice

And last, but certainly not least—I go on long walks. Not 20-30 minute walks. I’m talking two or more hours.

I physically leave the house and take myself on a journey.

Because becoming the metaphor is a powerful practice.

Take yourself somewhere new. Walk in a different direction. Drive to a place you’ve never been. Don’t wait for a family vacation or a friend’s outing to expand your horizons.

You are enough of a reason to experience the blessed newness of life.

Use this time to get to know yourself better.

I know what you’re thinking—"Know myself? Maria, I’m me."

Yes, but our thoughts are usually focused on the future. What we need to do today, tomorrow, next week.

So slow down. Ask yourself the “getting to know you” questions you’d ask someone else:

• Who’s your favorite movie character and why?

• What’s the first memory you have of truly laughing?

• Which friend means the most to you, and how did you meet them?

Because at the end of the day, you are your closest friend.

That’s my two cents, dear reader. I hope this message finds you in good spirits today.

Make time for yourself. Love yourself. And be kind to all the parts of you that hurt.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

The Green-eyed Monster: Overcoming Fear in Relationships

Fear. It sounds exactly like what it means, doesn’t it? Some words don’t sound like their meaning to me, but fear—there’s something in the phonetics that gives you chills. It’s the great equalizer. Everyone has at least one fear, something held captive by the unknown or the possibility of pain.

Can you overcome fear in relationships? In a word: Yes. But how?

Let’s explore this together.

I’ve had plenty of fears in my life. Some rational—like fearing the dark after I got pushed back by something supernatural. Others? Not so much—like fearing rejection from people who hadn’t even hinted at rejecting me in the first place.

You see, I was a young mom. By 18, I had two children. For a long time, I feared being “discovered” as immature, and ill-equipped to be a good mother. So how did I overcompensate? By taking myself way too seriously. I remember being 21, talking with a lady at my daughter’s daycare. I could feel the strain—Am I laughing too hard? Smiling too much? Do I sound naive? What can I say that will make me sound extra adult? It was exhausting. I feared opinions. But it’s not opinions alone that ensnare us in the belly of fear—it’s what those opinions might determine about our lives.

If they think this, then what will happen.

That’s the crux of it. And a big ol’ valid crux, I might add.

Then came my breakthrough: There are only four kinds of people on this entire planet of approximately 8 billion people and counting. Just four.

Tribe (25%)
These are your ride-or-dies. They love you and always will. You could call them in the middle of the night, confess to a bar fight gone terribly wrong, and they’d show up with a shovel. Too morbid? Maybe. But the point is—they’re not going anywhere. They defend you in rooms you aren’t in and want you to win purely because your happiness makes them happy.

A snapshot of one of my tribe members? My brother Mark. He calls me Mariamarianna. Every time I leave his presence, I feel like a rocket ship. He says things like, “You’re living the dream, sis.” And he was saying this back when I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with my two children. Or our favorite saying: You got the sauce. 

Tribe members give you permission to be unapologetically you. They’re rare, like comets, lighting up the parts of you that need it most.

Tea (25%)
These people like you—but could be convinced otherwise. They teeter on the fence of admiration and quiet skepticism. They don’t mind you winning, as long as you don’t win more than them. If you start to surpass them, the subtle jabs come out: “Hopefully it goes well… that’s a lot of work.” Or the dreaded “Good for you.”

Listen, no grown adult wants to hear Good for you! after achieving something big. You want I’m so proud of you! That’s amazing! Enthusiasm is what “Tea people” lack. They’re here for the tea, for the gossip. And they’re silent when others are talking about you in a negative light. Silence is an act of agreement. Silence is abandonment.

Checkers (25%)
They don’t like you, don’t get you—but they could be convinced otherwise. They check on you. They watch your stories but never like anything. They ask about you to others but never directly to you. They’re curious but not sold. Ever met someone at a party who gives one-word answers, sipping their drink like it’s a $500 glass of cognac? That’s a Checker. They don’t even know why they don’t like you, so they collect data, hoping to justify their feelings.

Beware of Checkers. Relationships—whether friendship or otherwise—should be with people who chose you from the start. First round pick. Being in a “situationship” with someone who treated you like you were just normal at first? That manifests in a thousand little ways later. You deserve relationships where people look at you and think, Maybe you’re magic.

Mold (25%)
They don’t like you, and they never will. You are the thorn in their side. Your mere existence irks them. If you were dying and all you needed was a single crap to save your life—they would not give a crap.

And it’s almost funny. What’s the problem? What about my shine bothers you so much?

Moldy people don’t understand that lighting someone else’s candle doesn’t put out their own light. They think success is limited, that your seat at the table means there’s less room for them. But here’s the thing—some Moldy people aren’t even threatened by you. They’re just completely out of alignment with your frequency. You’re playing a song, and all they hear is static.

Ignore the mold. The only beast that survives is the one you feed.

Life is short—spend it with your Tribe.

Whew! Got that out. Are you still with me? Okay, I’ll make you a cup of tea while I wrap this up.

I overcame my fear by embracing this: If someone doesn’t like me, get me, or accept me—they’re just in that other 25%, and that’s okay. That’s okay.

Be bold. Be yourself. Let the jalapeño chips fall where they may. If someone walks away? The sun will keep shining, the clock will keep ticking, and you, dear reader, will continue to be the most unique, blessed person ever to grace this earth.

So, let’s challenge ourselves this week. Think of a fear—big or small. Picture yourself overcoming it. Imagine every step and facet. Immerse yourself in what it looks like for you to overcome that fear—minimum ten-minute daydream. Put on a soundscape, time yourself, and escape into barrier-breaking thoughts with me.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Eat the Cake First: The Art of Living in the Present While Building the Future

How does one live in the moment while planning for the future? Can you really enjoy a baseball game while recording it on your smartphone? Can you bask in the here and now while also fervently strategizing for what’s ahead? Can you, indeed, have your “present cake” and eat it too? Or, to put it another way—does one compromise the other when they flow in parallel inside our mind?

I love myself an example, so here we go.

When I receive good news—like being asked to speak at San Diego College next month (still screaming inside about this!)—it’s hard not to get swept up in the excitement and temporarily set aside the deep work and preparation required to deliver.

Actually, let me be clearer—when I think about sharing my story and solutions with those students, I want to do snow angels in the Gobi Desert while Sia’s “Unstoppable” blasts on earth’s surround sound, rose petals cascade onto my face and body, and somewhere in the background, my favorite singer, Céline Dion, is whispering “I am so proud of you” on loop.

Have you ever experienced a “happiness high” like that? The kind that lifts you off the ground, makes everything feel electric, and suddenly life is lighter, easier, almost cinematic? The kind where you want to bottle up the feeling and sip from it forever?

But here's the challenge—how do you pin yourself down (literally and figuratively) to focus while still floating in the surreal blessings of life?

You ask great questions. Let’s unpack.

What Emotions Do We Feel When Life Gives Us a Break?

There’s a rush—excitement, relief, joy, validation, anticipation. Maybe even disbelief, like the universe finally sent you a “Yes” after a long season of “Not yet.”

We want to celebrate. We should celebrate.

These moments don’t come every day, and if we don’t honor them, we dull our ability to recognize the beauty of our journey. Life is a collection of wins and lessons—when you get a win, soak it up.

What Emotions Do We Feel When It’s Time to Build?

This is where the shift happens. Once the celebration settles, a new set of emotions creeps in—responsibility, focus, discipline, maybe even fear. Excitement can quickly morph into pressure, the awareness that this moment must be nurtured and sustained.

It’s like being approved for a custom-built home loan—an incredible milestone. But the moment the ink dries, the real work begins. Electrical, digging, painting, plastering, appliances—there’s a process, and you must commit to every stage.

But here’s the truth dear reader: you can still walk through every part of that home’s construction and bask in the glory of an answered prayer. You can live in the joy of what is happening now while building what’s next.

The Dance Between Joy & Discipline

Is there a time and place to replace one feeling with the other? No. It’s a delicate dance.

Joy is the beginning of a wavelength.
Discipline is the end of it.

When choreographed properly, they flow into each other seamlessly.

Happiness is fleeting. Appreciation is forever. The best way to honor life’s beautiful moments isn’t just to feel them—it’s to let your appreciation inspire action. Through action, you build the practices, the thought patterns, and the discipline that allow you to sustain and fully enjoy this higher level of life.

The Methodical Joy of Being Present

I love seeing my family. So when I finally flew home to Virginia after missing the holidays (don’t ask me how many times I listened to Luther Vandross’s “Every Year, Every Christmas” with misty eyes), my heart was bursting.

But that much joy can be almost paralyzing. Who do I see first? What do we talk about? How do I make this time count?

I stopped myself. I applied my own lesson.

1. Start with joy. Let yourself feel it fully.

2. Apply appreciation. Acknowledge how much this moment means.

3. Take intentional action. Decide how to structure the moment so you can actually experience it.

So I slowed my thoughts down and made a plan: spend the night at my brother’s house, be fully present, not even check my phone for the weather, then meet up with Mark, then Mom and Dad. One by one (I have a big family). Intentional, present, fully there.

And even though I ended up gravely ill during the trip (the kind of sick where you look homeless and stop caring), my joy wasn’t lost. Because I had taken raw happiness and channeled it into intentionality.

Joy is Fuel—Don’t Let It Evaporate

Supreme thoughts feed our minds the kind of mental nourishment that can only be produced by a genuine, beaming smile.

We need those feelings.

When we go through seasons devoid of warm excitement—the kind that makes you feel seen by God—we slowly shift into a less vibrant version of ourselves. The one who just goes through the motions. The one for whom life feels muted—overcast skies, green vegetation, cars honking.

It’s a dangerous place to stay for too long.

That’s why when joy comes knocking, it can be so difficult to both embrace it and move forward with the deep work required to sustain it.

But the key is understanding that happiness isn’t the endgame—it’s the signal that you’ve arrived at a moment that matters.

And when you recognize that, you can live fully in the joy while methodically building a future that lets you keep experiencing it, again and again.

Eat the cake first. But don’t forget to begin baking the next one.

Until next time,

Maria 🌹

What is Food for Thought?

Every single thought in your mind serves as a source of mental fuel—propelling you toward your destiny. Okay, got that out. We’re going to do some lifting because today, mental weight training is the soupe de jour. 

Thoughts are not just fleeting notions; they are our sustenance. And if thoughts are food, then we’ve already answered one of the oldest existential questions: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The answer? The chicken.

Why? Because created things don’t begin in a state of transformation; they start as fully realized manifestations of reality. Our thoughts shape the world we most identify with. To tie a bow on the chicken-and-egg theory—before an egg comes into existence, the chicken first envisions itself and then reproduces through that vision. But this is just one perspective (admittedly, I have many) because I enjoy challenging my own theories, and testing them from all angles.

That was just a warm-up. Now, let’s get into the real question: What kind of thought diet creates the world we dream of living in?

A Balanced Mental Nutrition Plan

Contrary to popular belief, a mental diet of only happy, positive thoughts will leave you malnourished. Were you expecting that? Just as our bodies need more than just fruits and vegetables, our minds require a diverse range of thoughts to function optimally.

Let’s break it down:

• Vegetables: Thoughts centered on self-improvement and healing.

• Fruits: Thoughts that cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the present moment.

• Grains: Thoughts about the people we love and care about.

• Protein: Thoughts that fuel a powerful and positive future.

• Dairy: Thoughts that focus on enhancing our skill sets and growth.

But we don’t just live on food, right? We need hydration. Think of the content you watch as your water—the more positive and thought-provoking it is, the purer and more balanced, like clean, high-pH water that nourishes and sustains you.

Not all thoughts are meant to feel good. That was a shocking realization for me. Ten years ago, I immersed myself in positivity—motivational speeches, good vibes, uplifting sermons—only to find myself burnt out. Why? Because just as a diet consisting solely of fruits and vegetables will eventually leave you weak and depleted, so too will a mental diet devoid of challenge and variety.

The Importance of Variety in Thought

Our brains crave both consistency and variety. A steady stream of positivity is essential, but without contrast, there is no balance—no depth of perspective to advance personal growth.

Here’s what “variety thoughts” can look like:

1. Checking in with yourself – Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions. Acknowledge them, but don’t let them settle permanently. Just because a feeling visits doesn’t mean it gets to build a house in your mind.

2. “What If” Course Correction – Use your imagination to visualize the consequences of not pursuing your best self. What happens first? Then what? And after that? Mentally walking through these scenarios provides clarity and motivation.

3. Spiritual Digging – Self-improvement is a collaborative effort between you and God. Growth often doesn’t feel good, but the discomfort is the best kind—the kind that molds and refines you.

The Power of Scaling Your Thoughts

Unlike food, which we consume a few times a day, thoughts are constant. Studies show that the average person has 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day—that’s about 2,500 to 3,300 thoughts per hour!

This is why our choices are critical. A mere 5% of undeserving thoughts may seem insignificant in small doses but scaled up, that equates to over 4,000 negative thoughts per day.

You might ask, “Maria, didn’t you say variety is part of a balanced mental diet?” Yes—but not all thoughts qualify. Some are just mental junk food. Let’s call them Cheeto thoughts—they taste good but provide zero nutritional value.

Examples of Cheeto thoughts:

• “Why me?”

• “I hate when they…”

• “Why did I used to…?”

• “I just need [X], and then I’ll be happy.”

No doctor would ever tell you that your diet is lacking Cheetos. The same goes for these thoughts.

Back to the Chicken… all roads, right? 

Everything you desire—everything—already exists within a version of you that believes it to be true. It is scientifically impossible to live in a reality inconsistent with the thoughts you consistently hold. Your thoughts align with your reality, and reality responds accordingly.

Our Challenge for This Week

Let’s choose one thought per day and take immediate action on it.

• Have fitness goals? Think about your dream body and work out.

• Desire a meaningful relationship? Write a letter to that person.

• See your dream career? Take a course, or watch a video about it.

Thought. Action. Life. That's our beautiful cycle of growth.

This journey isn’t easy. Trust me—I love hot Cheetos, okay? But your destiny is more important than any fleeting indulgence in undeserving thoughts. 

Close your eyes… and imagine a burgundy door with your full name written in glittering gold, the edges glow around the door frame. It’s waiting for you to walk through. Right under your name, there’s a sign hanging. It reads: Welcome home. Behind the door exists, your people, your person, your best life ever. That’s the door you get closer to as you maintain a balanced mental diet.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

How Do I Know When I’m Healed?

Short answer: there isn’t a short answer.

Healing isn’t linear. It happens in waves, in layers, in ways you don’t always recognize until you’re tested. And here’s the truth—your level of healing is only revealed when the wound is touched.

Most people understand PTSD in a general sense, but let’s define it with a little more depth. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an intense emotional response to an event, a phrase, a moment that echoes a previous devastation. I’m not talking about everyday sadness or disappointment—I mean categorical trauma. The kind that rewires you. Betrayal. Abuse. Manipulation. Gaslighting so severe that you start to question reality.

When we endure this kind of damage—whether through toxic relationships or unforeseen calamity—our brain registers it as an emergency and makes a solemn vow: never again. And if we even think about walking down that road again? The brain sounds the alarm and says, “Oh, you wanna try that again? Cool. Here’s a full-body panic attack, like spiders crawling all over you.” That’s what it means to be triggered.

Triggers are the brain’s attempt at self-defense. The trauma loads the gun, and when something even remotely resembles what broke you, the brain fires. What does that look like? Maybe you lash out. Maybe you shut down. Maybe you spiral.

So, how do you know when you’re healed?

Here’s the first sign: You’re no longer triggered.

Your trauma response is like a detour—a road you take to avoid those painful potholes of the past. But if you keep using the detour, how will you ever know if the main road has been repaired?

There are three things that rebuild mental roads:

1. God.

2. Good People.

3. Going Deeper.

God reminds you who you really are. Reading scripture and following His guidance isn’t just about rules—it’s about rebuilding yourself from the inside out.

Good people are the chocolate chips of life. They remind you that the world isn’t all sharp edges and broken glass. They reinforce your healing. And here’s something to consider—triggers aren’t always negative. Someone loving you well can trigger something in you too. A kind gesture. A thoughtful gift. A moment of genuine care. Sometimes, healing requires learning how to receive good things again.

And that leads us to the hardest part…

Going Deeper.

Healing isn’t just about what happened to you—it’s about understanding why you were in that situation to begin with. What was inside of you that tolerated it? That attracted it? That mistook red flags for familiarity?

That’s not about self-blame. It’s about self-responsibility.

Because the truth is, you are the common denominator in your life. You choose your environment, the people you engage with, the way you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set (or don’t). Going deeper means unpacking all of that—not alone, but with someone who can help you make sense of it. A trusted friend. A mentor. A therapist, if you can afford one.

Which brings me to the next sign that you’re healing: You make better decisions.

It’s not your fault if you touch a hot pan once. But if you touch it again—after knowing it burns—you’re working against your own wisdom.

“But Maria, people aren’t hot pans.”

I know. I know. It’s so much more complicated. Sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we can’t escape. A parent. A co-parent. A boss. Someone who exists in that painful duality—both a source of difficulty and a presence we have to navigate.

That’s hard. But you? You’re harder to break.

You know you’re healing when you’re faced with the same situation that used to unravel you… but you don’t unravel. You respond instead of reacting. You see the moment for what it is—without letting it dictate your emotions.

Let me give you a real example.

One of my kids gaslit me once. And before I healed, that wrecked me. I love my children more than anything, so when I felt unappreciated, I would react with tears and anger. But after doing the work, I faced the same situation with a different response.

She wanted to wear slippers to the mall. I said, “Um, heck no.”
She said, “You just don’t want me to go.”
And there it was—that little sting of emotional manipulation.

The old me would’ve been triggered. But the healed me? I spoke from a place of peace. I said, “Honey, I want to come. But, we’re leaving now and only people without slippers can come.” Humor always helps to reorient relationship frustrations.

How do you respond from a healed place?
Simple. Speak words that represent you five minutes after you’re no longer upset.

In the heat of the moment, ask yourself: What would I say once the emotions settle? And then say that.

It sounds impossible—until you do it.

And that brings us to the final marker of healing: Living in peace.

Not just in your circumstances—but in your mind.

Your thought life is your real life. That’s what creates your world. So ask yourself:

• What does your mental home look like?

• Is it clean and organized?

• Is it semi-tidy with a few closets of chaos?

• Or is it a full-blown TLC Hoarders episode?

Whatever the state of it—you can clean it up. It won’t happen overnight, but healing is a process of making space. Clearing out old narratives. Creating order where there was once disorder.

And about those potholes? Here’s the truth: Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Time helps. But healing comes from a 360-degree approach—mind, body, and soul working together to reclaim your wholeness.

That’s how you live like the version of you who was never hurt.

But listen—there’s no arrival. There’s no finish line where you suddenly have it all figured out. I’m healed, but I’m also still alive. Still growing. Still learning. Still getting better every single day.

So let’s challenge ourselves this week to go deeper.

Ask someone you trust:
"What’s something you think I need to heal from that I might not be noticing?"

Because no matter how much progress we’ve made, we all have blind spots. And the beauty of healing is that it’s never too late to start again.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

How Many Times Can You Start Over?

Short answer: As many times as it takes.

So, you made a plan. You wrote it down, gathered every ounce of commitment energy you could summon, and for a moment, you never felt more sure of yourself. Wiser. Stronger. Ready to transform. And then—three days later—you’re not just back at square one; you’re at square negative five, carrying the weight of self-betrayal. Because breaking a promise to yourself stings in a way nothing else does, after all, if you can’t trust yourself, what kind of trust do you believe in?

Is commitment real if choice is involved? We like to think that when we decide on something, that’s it—decision made, no turning back. Iron-clad plans shouldn’t come with an escape hatch. And yet, we secretly carve one into the walls of our resolve—a hidden revolving door leading us right back to the comfort we swore we’d outgrown.

Why do we do this?

Short answer: We don’t want to make ourselves sad.

Long answer? It’s deeper than just discomfort. Choosing discipline—whether it’s a salad over a burger, saving instead of spending, or choosing peace over retaliation—can trigger a strange kind of sadness. That sadness isn’t weakness; it’s actually proof that your brain is working exactly as it should. Our minds are wired to protect us, to maintain balance, and keep us feeling rewarded, safe, and at ease. So, when we try to disrupt that cycle, our brain fights back, nudging us toward what feels familiar and soothing. Even if "soothing" means staying in patterns that no longer serve us.

And that’s where the real problem lies. If your current programming is built around habits that are keeping you stuck, your brain will keep running those habits like a perfectly functioning app—just with the wrong data.

Imagine a burger factory where all the machines work, the employees are on task, but instead of cheese on the conveyor belt, someone loaded up shredded wood chips. The process is still running, but the final product is useless.

Your brain isn’t the problem. The programming is. And programming is your job.

Your brain doesn’t get to choose what it feeds itself—you do. Your jurisdiction lies in your hands, feet, mouth, eyes, and ears. With your five senses, you get to decide what ingredients you’re feeding your mind, and those ingredients determine the quality of the life you build.

So, let’s ask ourselves these questions this week:

• What can I do with my hands?

• Where can I go with my feet?

• What can I speak into existence—for myself and others?

• What can I watch?

• What can I listen to?

What actions can I take today that will give my brain the right data to build the life I say I want?

Because it’s a partnership. Your brain does the processing, but you control the inputs. And when we take ownership of something, we naturally care for it better. That’s why you should never beat yourself up for starting over—whether it’s your tenth try or your millionth.

You are in the best position possible to begin again—this time, with a new understanding of what real success looks like. It’s not about what you think—it’s about what you do. Change your actions, and your thinking will follow.

Challenge this week:
Guard your ear, eye, and mouth gates. Keep them filled with things that uplift, inspire, and align with your higher self. If you wouldn’t listen to it, watch it, or say it in front of Jesus—give yourself permission to refrain.

Better living is your birthright. Let’s conquer this week together!

Our Pets Heads Are Falling Off

Life is a little too structured and precise to be random. The changing of seasons, the complexities of the human mind, the stars and moon, the Earth suspended in the balance of invisible energy—all of it points to an infinite intelligence.

They say—whoever "they" are—that billions of years ago, a Big Bang erupted with a sudden clash of energy and particles. But where did the particles come from? The inevitable answer is God. No mathematical equation or scientific explanation can quantify how we came to be without acknowledging a Creator. You might ask, “But Maria, who created God?” That’s simple: God exists outside of time. He wasn’t created. He always is, always was, and always will be. He is the Creator.

Think about it: humans create computers, but we don’t live inside them. We aren’t governed by the ones and zeros that power them. Imagine a tiny receptor on a microchip wondering why it’s never seen a human. By the time it starts buzzing with connections, the computer is closed and out of sight. That receptor might only “see” its creator again when the computer shuts off, and the energy stops flowing.

What’s Your Point, Maria?
Right, my point—God isn’t constrained by time, space, or human reasoning. He isn’t limited by the laws of math and science. He is above it all. This truth is the foundation of our trust in Him.

Picture this: you’re on a plane, 30,000 feet in the air, when the pilot has a heart attack. The plane nosedives, and chaos erupts. Luggage flies out of the overhead compartments, and people are screaming. Then, in the midst of it all, someone shouts, “Let me in the cockpit! I’m a pilot!” People cheer as he takes control. Skeptics remain uneasy until the plane stabilizes, but when it does, the screaming stops. The plane lands safely, and relief sweeps over everyone.

Who saved the passengers in this emergency? Someone who knew the most about the environment they were in—a pilot. And that’s just a metaphor. How much more secure would you feel if the pilot not only flew the plane but designed it? What if he created the laws of aerodynamics? That’s God.

When life feels confusing, when you’re trying to be happy but still wrestling with unhappiness, remember that the only one who can truly help is the one who knows everything about your situation: Jesus.

Not only was Jesus there when the foundations of the Earth were formed, but He also lived as a human. He knows what it’s like to feel pain, to cry, to be hurt, to eat, to talk, to travel, and to love. Toward the end of His life, He said, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This wasn’t hyperbole. It was truth. You canovercome the struggles of life.

Normal Questions Hour
How do you trust Jesus? How do you overcome the world? How do you live in peace and happiness?

Start here: God will show you what living for Jesus looks like for you. He speaks through Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Maybe your purpose is to be a mother, a painter, a janitor, a teacher, or a mechanic. No matter what it is, when you live for Him, you’ll find sustainable peace. 

Pets’ Heads?
The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite comedies, Dumb and Dumber. In one scene, Lloyd, frustrated with life, shouts, “We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets’ heads are falling off!” That scene always reminds me how quickly life falls apart when we take our eyes off Jesus.

Life starts making sense when we realize we aren’t just growing for ourselves. Our lives are part of an entire ecosystem, a garden where every flower, tree, and blade of grass connects. Growth isn’t always convenient, but it’s purposeful. When God prunes us, it hurts. When He removes someone we love or allows hardship, it’s to draw us closer to Him.

We’re spiritual warriors. Warriors get injured, but they also rise and fight again.

Chin Up, My Dear Reader
Just like God created the world, He also created your smile. Let it remind you that you are never outside His divine control.

God’s plans are higher than ours. His perspective is supernatural. He creates us with purpose, just as a company like Apple designs laptops to function well and uphold their brand. How much more, then, does God create us to thrive?

Recap of Last Week
Last week, I didn’t make a self-improvement plan. I needed a break from the mental gymnastics of stepping out of my comfort zone. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

If you’re still tracking with me, here’s a challenge: make a 12-hour plan. Start small. Practice your new habits from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM. Before or after that, do you. We’re growing together, one half-day at a time.

As those half-days pile up, they’ll turn into months, years, and eventually a lifetime of living our best lives for God.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Where’s My Wagon?

Where’s My Wagon?

All plans to change and cut something off cold turkey sound easy in theory. “Just say no.” Be strong. Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want the outcome badly enough, you’ll stick with it, right?

Wrong.

There’s a tricky thing I call the “head cuffs.” Your hands are free to act, but when we break promises to stop overeating, losing our temper, watching porn, or overindulging in anything toxic, it’s often because our mind is bound by a threefold chain.

What’s this chain made of? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. This bondage we all succumb to at some point in life is one part emotional fluctuation, one part toxic personal narrative, and one part unexpected disturbances.

Here’s how it happens:
We make a commitment. The goal feels so close we can almost touch it. It excites us, fills us with hope, and fuels our determination to change. But here’s the kicker—the version of you that makes the plan isn’t the version of you that struggles with the problem. Can you relate? The part of you that dreams of change is optimistic and lives in the realm of possibility. But the part of you stuck in old patterns is weighed down by that threefold chain.

Stages of Give-Up-ness

1. Emotional Fluctuation

Emotions are fabulous passengers on the journey to change—they cheer, sing along, and bring snacks. But the moment they grab the wheel? Disaster. They’ll steer you straight into a ditch.

Here’s the truth: emotions fluctuate based on what you eat, how you sleep, who calls, what happens at work, or what drama unfolds at home. Life’s ups and downs make the battleground of “Day One Temptation” feel like stepping into a boxing ring with a heavyweight champ. Your emotions are already doing so much to keep you functional that introducing a new pattern sets off their alarms. They’ll send a little memo to your brain: “Just start this another day.”

Spoiler alert: another day never comes. Unless you form a contingency plan.

Here’s where prayer comes in. Prayer helps stabilize your emotional equilibrium. When emotions are ready to hijack the ride, God can steady the wheel and keep you moving forward.

2. Toxic Personal Narrative

By the end of the day, your personal narrative shows up like a rowdy roommate flipping the couch, tearing down the blinds, and throwing eggs at you. Why? Because you’re not acting like “you.”

Your personal narrative is the story you’ve written about who you are, based on your actions. And let me tell you, that story doesn’t care for edits. It says, “We’ve been through so much together, and now you want to toss me out?”

The truth? Yes. The old narrative has to die. Why? Because it’s rotten. It will infect every page of your new life if you let it. You rewrite the story of “who I am” not with words, but with repeated actions—sunrises and sunsets where you choose differently.

3. Unexpected Disturbances

Ever noticed how the moment you’re on a roll, something comes along to knock the wind out of you? It’s like Murphy’s Law is lurking, waiting for you to write a positive plan so it can throw a wrench in the works.

Here’s a highlight reel of my own:

• The only day my youngest ever peed in her car seat? The day we moved across the country.

• I found out about my ex-husband’s affair two hours after a glorious baby shower where I felt like a princess.

• I was laid off three months after moving 3,000 miles away from my remote job’s headquarters.

• The worst argument of my life? Four hours after decorating for a party.

Life has impeccable timing, doesn’t it? But these disturbances remind us that we’re trying to change in the same circumstances that stress us out, with the same mind that binds us.

But There’s Hope

The Bible says to die to self—not as a lofty idea, but as a real, practical approach. Changing requires a mind purge. Start at zero. Talk to God about the problem. Don’t rush into a plan.

Here’s why: that toxic behavior wasn’t born overnight, and it won’t disappear overnight either. Remember that car I mentioned? Emotions can’t drive it. Neither can you. If you try, you’ll end up at a dead end.

God is the driver. Surrender the wheel. Spend time in prayer, meditate on His word, and dream with Him about the life you want. Take as long as you need until you fully grasp this: you cannot change alone.

God says, “I am the vine; you are the branches” (John 15:5).
Stay connected to Him. When temptation strikes? Pray. When life throws you curveballs? Pray. When your personal narrative mocks you? Pray.

The Bible reminds us:

• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).

• “The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18).

So, You Fell Off the Wagon?

Good. Wagons aren’t built for positive change. You’re not riding in one anymore. You’re in the passenger seat with God, who leads us into a consistent life of victory.

Last time we met, I mentioned reflecting on a time God showed you favor. That exercise lifted my spirits!

This week, here’s the challenge: don’t make a new plan. Don’t even think about it. Spend the week talking to God about who you want to become. Ask Him for help.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him, my heart trusts, and I am helped” (Psalm 28:7).

Until next time, dearest,
Maria 🌹

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Me?

Life is unpredictable, isn’t it? One moment, everything feels steady, and the next, the ground beneath us gives way. Someone is badly injured, and the pain ripples far into the future. Someone dies. Someone walks out of your life, maybe forever. A diagnosis arrives, leaving you shattered. Or someone says words that cut so deep you wonder if they’ll ever heal.

Why do these things happen? And, more importantly, what are we supposed to do when life takes such a turn? Is there even a way to rise above these moments—to find a state of bliss, peace, and acceptance no matter what life throws at us?

The short answer: no. But don’t click away just yet—stay with me while we unpack what to do when life hands you lemons that turn out to be grenade-shaped and blow up everything you thought you knew.

The Aftershock: Emotional Whiplash

When bad things happen, the emotional aftermath can feel like a tidal wave. Here are three common responses people experience when hurt strikes. Let me know if any of these resonate with you:

Feeling Shortchanged
The immediate reaction is often to wish you could turn back time—five minutes, five hours, five days—because back then, life was still good. Or at least better than it is now. There’s a sense of injustice: “Why me?” you think, as you grapple with how chaos can exist in a world where seasons, gravity, and mathematics exist in perfect order.

Looking for Someone to Blame
When the dust settles, our minds naturally turn to the question: “Who’s responsible for this?” We replay events, searching for answers, hoping to uncover how this happened and, more importantly, how to prevent it from ever happening again.

Grieving Deeply
Sometimes, tears aren’t enough. You want to scream, punch something, or take your heartbreak straight to God and demand restitution for every tear you’ve shed. Grief is raw, messy, and impossible to ignore.

So, What Do We Do?

I’m no expert—I’m just a 34-year-old woman navigating life on this wild planet. But I know someone who is an expert: God. Let’s explore these emotional stages through His lens, guided by His word.

When You Feel Shortchanged

Feeling shortchanged hurts—whether it’s from people, circumstances, or even life itself. But God sees you, and He sees your pain. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Trusting God with what feels unfair can lead to peace you never expected.

But here’s the tricky part: guarding your heart. Bitterness can take root quickly when life feels unjust. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us, “Get rid of all bitterness… Be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook—it means freeing yourself to move forward, trusting God to handle the rest.

And when the shortchanging comes from loss, especially death, the weight can feel unbearable. Yet God meets us in our grief. Psalm 34:18 promises, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” And Jesus reminds us in John 11:25-26, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”

Let His comfort hold you. You are not alone.

When You’re Looking for Someone to Blame

Blame feels natural in moments of pain. We think it’ll give us clarity, but God calls us to something deeper.

Take Job, for instance. He lost everything—his family, his health, his livelihood. If anyone had a right to blame someone, it was him. Yet his response was stunning: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21). He trusted God’s plan, even in his heartbreak.

Or consider the story in John 9, where Jesus’ disciples asked, “Who sinned—this man or his parents?” about a man born blind. Jesus shut it down, saying, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3). Not everything bad is about blame—sometimes, it’s about God’s greater purpose.

Jesus Himself wrestled with surrendering to God’s will. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39). Trusting God isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

Forgiveness is key here, too. Colossians 3:13 urges us, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” It’s not about saying the hurt was okay—it’s about choosing peace over resentment.

When You Just Need to Cry

God doesn’t shy away from our tears. Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Every tear matters to Him.

Even Jesus wept. When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus cried openly, despite knowing He’d raise him moments later (John 11:35). Crying is not a lack of faith—it’s a deeply human response that God embraces.

Matthew 11:28 invites us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And Revelation 21:4 promises, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

Let your tears flow to the One who cares for you deeply.

Why Do Bad Things Happen?

The hard truth is, we don’t always get to know. God’s plans are bigger than our understanding. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

But here’s what we do know: God’s heart is good. His plans, even when they hurt, are filled with purpose. And while we may not get answers, we can trust His love to guide us through the pain.

What’s Next?

Your job isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to trust the One who does. Bring your questions to God. He isn’t threatened by your doubts or fears. In fact, He invites them. Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find.” (Matthew 7:7-8).

God’s love is big enough to hold your pain, your questions, and your hope. He sees you, hears you, and promises to never leave you alone in your sorrow.

So, when life hands you those grenade-shaped lemons, remember: God is still writing your story, and the next chapter might just surprise you with His grace.

Trust me, I get it—I really do. You’ve heard it all before: “God knows, trust His plan, trust the process.” But here’s the question—have you actually done it? Have you truly surrendered? Embrace the freedom that comes only from letting go of your own will, dying to self, and living fully for Jesus.

This isn’t a one-and-done decision. It’s a daily surrender—morning, afternoon, and evening. So, my question for you is this: Have you surrendered your way for God’s way today?

Hack Your Brain

What is a "Meh Day"? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s when your brain gets hijacked by a mental computer virus called “Nothing’s Working.” This corrupted code weaves its way through your mind, convincing you—just for a day—that life is nothing more than a black-and-white film that never made it to the box office. The truth is, mental viruses like these don’t last longer than a day—unless we choose to feed them.

So, what do we do when sulking takes over and “woe is me” begins to set up shop in our mental control center? The only thing we can do: hack the hack. After all, while we aren’t literal computers, we are complex beings running on mental algorithms, coding, and programs that keep us in flow and shape who we are. Oh yeah, back to the question—how do we hack the hack?

Let me take you to one of my favorite scenes from Independence Day. Remember when Jeff Goldblum’s character realizes the aliens planted a virus in Earth’s computer system to locate and destroy our most prized cities and monuments? At first, humanity feels powerless. But then Goldblum has an epiphany after his father mentions the common cold. “That’s it!” he exclaims. “I’m gonna give them a virus.” He flips the script and hacks the hacker. If you haven’t seen this film, please pause here and enrich your life with this sci-fi classic.

I love this part because it illustrates such a profound truth: sometimes the best way to rise above a problem is to beat it at its own game.

So, what do viruses do? They mimic the internal dialogue of the mind, implant negative, self-defeating thought patterns (like consecutive bad code), and try to overwhelm us with repetition and falsehoods. The scariest part? These lies are often so close to the truth that they pass as valid inputs. Oh, they’re clever. But guess what? You’re better.

God equipped us with the ability to override these mental viruses. He gave us memory—the ultimate hack.

Viruses thrive on the present moment, using current challenges to cloud our future. But memory has the power to debunk their lies. It reminds us of our victories, our breakthroughs, and God’s faithfulness. And when we pair our willpower with God’s will, something incredible happens: clarity. I call it the cure of clarity.

Mental viruses work hard to make the future seem foggy. They whisper lies like, “Nothing’s working. You’ll keep trying to improve your life, but something will always come along to destroy it. So why even bother?” Don’t buy it. Override the lie.

Use your memory to recall a time when God came through for you—when He delivered a Hail Mary and rescued you from a daunting situation. Or think of a time when you worked hard, reached your goal, and celebrated the outcome. These moments remind us that it’s always God working behind the scenes. He aligns our steps, clears paths where none exist, and shapes our lives according to His divine plan. It’s not our striving that makes things happen—it’s His intervention. Not sometimes. Always.

So, hack the hack, dear reader. Don’t let mental viruses make you forget the blessings you’ve experienced or the beauty of life. Rainy days—and even rainy seasons—happen. But rain isn’t a sign of stagnation; it’s evidence of growth. It means blooming is on the horizon.

Oh, and let’s not forget those mirror affirmations. I did mine last week—missed a couple of days—but nailed it five times, and I felt incredible. Progress, not perfection, right?

Here’s your next step: take a moment today to stroll down memory lane. Recall a time when God showed you favor. Let that memory anchor you and remind you of the truth: no virus stands a chance against His plan.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

The Shoulder Minion

Celibate in the City

What does it mean to abstain? Are there things we convince ourselves we can avoid, only to find they pull us back in? Is withdrawal just a season, or can it last a lifetime? I asked myself these questions when I decided to consciously withdraw from having sex.

What was once a fun act full of passion, romance, and unexpected natural highs eventually became a source of mental torment. I didn’t want to believe sex was meant for marriage. The thought made me cringe, mostly because I didn’t think it was sustainable. After all, I have a high sex drive. Can you have a happy relationship without going there together? I didn’t think it was possible. Sometimes I still wonder. But I know that’s just my fear talking.

Is there something you want to remove from your life for a season or for good? What brought you to this place?

I’ll never forget two days before Valentine’s Day seven years ago. I had just had “schlintercourse” with a guy I’d been dating for two months. I asked him, “So, do we have any plans for Tuesday?” The glee of promise and smitten wonder was written all over my face. His response brought me back to earth:

“Oh, I totally forgot. I’m sorry. It is Valentine’s Day the day after tomorrow, huh?”

The “huh” at the end gut-punched me. I was supposed to confirm his disregard, detachment, and complete absentmindedness—while simultaneously understanding that I was just another notch on his belt.

The next day, he broke up with me, citing that he wasn’t ready to be a stepdad. My children were 10 and 11 at the time. The first thought in my head was, “That would’ve been great to know before you put on a condom.” I’ve never reached out to him, nor have I heard from him since.

But here’s my point: That day, I fell out of love with what I call “see where it goes” sex.

He wasn’t a bad guy. But you know what else he wasn’t? My husband. So who was he? A man who felt no obligation or responsibility toward me. And even if he did, he could still pack his bags and walk out of my life just the same.

A Lightbulb Moment

Oh. That’s why God said sex is for marriage. It’s not just a clever way to reach some higher moral ground. It’s the consummation of a contract. The agreement says, You take care of me, I’ll take care of you—forever.

And even if you get divorced, the principles of that agreement remain in effect. Ask anyone paying spousal or child support. Sex is one of those life-changing practices you need to get right, or your whole life can feel wrong.

How Did I Conquer It?

I haven’t had sex in a very long time, and I don’t have pretend sex with myself, either. How? I screwed my way to abstinence—pun intended. It took a few more years after that Valentine’s Day disaster to reach ironclad solidarity. But I’m here now, and my arrival is nothing short of a miracle.

Dear reader, you can conquer your flesh. That voice whispering in your ear—the shoulder minion—is nothing more than a spokesman for your past. It tells you how lonely, bored, overweight, or sober you are. It wants you to repeat patterns that don’t serve you because, as long as you do, it has a job.

There are versions of ourselves that must die—thinking loops that must be killed on the battlefield of our minds. But there are no guns or spears in this fight. Just starvation pods. When you starve a thought long enough, it dies.

And here’s the twist: This is the walking dead. Even if you starve it and it dies, picking up those old thinking patterns can resurrect that toxic behavior—worse than before.

How Do You Do This?

Addictive behaviors come with an entire administrative department in your mind, working to keep you down. Why? Because glowing up means discomfort. Every internal memo they send has this at the top: You will be uncomfortable.

But here’s the amazing news: YOU are the President. You rule. You veto. You dismiss. You have complete control over what happens in your mind and the actions you take.

This Is a “We” Journey

I still battle negative, defeating thoughts every single day. Take my hand—virtually. I’m in this with you. We got this. One day at a time, we will override those limiting beliefs.

Will you try an exercise with me this week? Look in the mirror and say:

“I am an overcomer, and I will rise to accomplish my goals today.”

Say it three times in the mirror every day this week.

I can’t wait to report back next Sunday. Until then, peace be with you.

Maria 🌹