Where’s My Wagon?
Where’s My Wagon?
All plans to change and cut something off cold turkey sound easy in theory. “Just say no.” Be strong. Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want the outcome badly enough, you’ll stick with it, right?
Wrong.
There’s a tricky thing I call the “head cuffs.” Your hands are free to act, but when we break promises to stop overeating, losing our temper, watching porn, or overindulging in anything toxic, it’s often because our mind is bound by a threefold chain.
What’s this chain made of? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. This bondage we all succumb to at some point in life is one part emotional fluctuation, one part toxic personal narrative, and one part unexpected disturbances.
Here’s how it happens:
We make a commitment. The goal feels so close we can almost touch it. It excites us, fills us with hope, and fuels our determination to change. But here’s the kicker—the version of you that makes the plan isn’t the version of you that struggles with the problem. Can you relate? The part of you that dreams of change is optimistic and lives in the realm of possibility. But the part of you stuck in old patterns is weighed down by that threefold chain.
Stages of Give-Up-ness
1. Emotional Fluctuation
Emotions are fabulous passengers on the journey to change—they cheer, sing along, and bring snacks. But the moment they grab the wheel? Disaster. They’ll steer you straight into a ditch.
Here’s the truth: emotions fluctuate based on what you eat, how you sleep, who calls, what happens at work, or what drama unfolds at home. Life’s ups and downs make the battleground of “Day One Temptation” feel like stepping into a boxing ring with a heavyweight champ. Your emotions are already doing so much to keep you functional that introducing a new pattern sets off their alarms. They’ll send a little memo to your brain: “Just start this another day.”
Spoiler alert: another day never comes. Unless you form a contingency plan.
Here’s where prayer comes in. Prayer helps stabilize your emotional equilibrium. When emotions are ready to hijack the ride, God can steady the wheel and keep you moving forward.
2. Toxic Personal Narrative
By the end of the day, your personal narrative shows up like a rowdy roommate flipping the couch, tearing down the blinds, and throwing eggs at you. Why? Because you’re not acting like “you.”
Your personal narrative is the story you’ve written about who you are, based on your actions. And let me tell you, that story doesn’t care for edits. It says, “We’ve been through so much together, and now you want to toss me out?”
The truth? Yes. The old narrative has to die. Why? Because it’s rotten. It will infect every page of your new life if you let it. You rewrite the story of “who I am” not with words, but with repeated actions—sunrises and sunsets where you choose differently.
3. Unexpected Disturbances
Ever noticed how the moment you’re on a roll, something comes along to knock the wind out of you? It’s like Murphy’s Law is lurking, waiting for you to write a positive plan so it can throw a wrench in the works.
Here’s a highlight reel of my own:
The only day my youngest ever peed in her car seat? The day we moved across the country.
I found out about my ex-husband’s affair two hours after a glorious baby shower where I felt like a princess.
I was laid off three months after moving 3,000 miles away from my remote job’s headquarters.
The worst argument of my life? Four hours after decorating for a party.
Life has impeccable timing, doesn’t it? But these disturbances remind us that we’re trying to change in the same circumstances that stress us out, with the same mind that binds us.
But There’s Hope
The Bible says to die to self—not as a lofty idea, but as a real, practical approach. Changing requires a mind purge. Start at zero. Talk to God about the problem. Don’t rush into a plan.
Here’s why: that toxic behavior wasn’t born overnight, and it won’t disappear overnight either. Remember that car I mentioned? Emotions can’t drive it. Neither can you. If you try, you’ll end up at a dead end.
God is the driver. Surrender the wheel. Spend time in prayer, meditate on His word, and dream with Him about the life you want. Take as long as you need until you fully grasp this: you cannot change alone.
God says, “I am the vine; you are the branches” (John 15:5).
Stay connected to Him. When temptation strikes? Pray. When life throws you curveballs? Pray. When your personal narrative mocks you? Pray.
The Bible reminds us:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18).
So, You Fell Off the Wagon?
Good. Wagons aren’t built for positive change. You’re not riding in one anymore. You’re in the passenger seat with God, who leads us into a consistent life of victory.
Last time we met, I mentioned reflecting on a time God showed you favor. That exercise lifted my spirits!
This week, here’s the challenge: don’t make a new plan. Don’t even think about it. Spend the week talking to God about who you want to become. Ask Him for help.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him, my heart trusts, and I am helped” (Psalm 28:7).
Until next time, dearest,
Maria 🌹
