How To Deal with Terrible People
Not everyone was sent to make your life easier. Figuring out how to navigate a situation where someone in your orbit consistently brings you down is, frankly, the poop of life. But let’s be real—we all gotta go, don’t we?
Why do I call it the poop of life? Because of two very specific reasons. First, they make us feel like crap. Second, we need those experiences to pass through our lives in order to solidify who we are—and who we are striving to become. How can you be sure you’re picking up social cues unless you’ve met someone who doesn’t? How can you know how to show up with love and grace for the people who matter most if you haven’t been challenged by someone who only shows up for themselves?
Let me put it another way—how can you recognize light if you’ve never been in the dark?
These people, these difficult humans—the ones who test every nerve and seem to march to the beat of their own dysfunctional drum—might actually be the sharpest chisels in the toolkit of your character development.
And listen, I know you might be dealing with someone who’s not just a passing face in a crowded Starbucks. What if they’re related to you? What if you’re co-parenting with them? What if they show up in your inbox like clockwork and occupy permanent emotional real estate in your life? It's exhausting. Some people speak fluent gaslight. Others specialize in the art of deflection or weaponized charm. And yet, here you are—just trying to be happy.
So what do these "terrible" people bring out of us?
In a word: fortitude.
Because buildings aren’t built without resistance.
Let’s go deeper. In architecture, resistance isn’t a flaw—it’s a feature. Architects intentionally design counterforces into structures. Why? To maintain balance. Pushback, when accounted for with intention, gives strength to the foundation. Without resistance, a structure would collapse the moment life adds weight. In the same way, difficult people become the structural tension that shapes your strength. They teach you where your limits are—and how to reinforce them with grace.
I hear you though. You’re saying, “Yeah yeah Maria—I get it. Difficult people make me stronger and wiser. But that doesn’t stop my stomach from turning when they walk into the room.”
I’ve got some Pepto-Bismol for your soul in the form of words.
Hold my hand and repeat after me:
I am in control. I always have been. I always will be.
If someone brings down my frequency, I must tune myself higher.
Let’s talk about frequencies. Yes, we’re going there.
You are tuned to a certain frequency. Take a second—give yours a number. I’m a ‘90s baby, so I imagine mine is 99.8. Born in 1990, favorite number 8. Eight represents infinity, and I just love the idea that some things—like grace, growth, and peace—are built to last.
That number, your frequency, represents your highest self—your most loving thoughts, your strongest boundaries, your quiet strength when others are loud and wrong. But here’s the thing: when you’re not tuned in to your frequency, you start picking up other stations. Static from someone else’s fear. Noise from someone else’s trauma.
Stay in tune, dear reader.
Sing your song. Broadcast only your network.
And bonus? God is the DJ. He sets the playlist. But you get to sing. You get to dance. You get to choose if you’ll vibe with peace or spiral with chaos.
So how do you deal with terrible people?
You tune them out—not physically, but mentally.
That’s your edge. That’s your power. That’s how you maintain your quality of life without needing to dodge their chaos or smell their mess.
Here’s how you know you’re out of tune:
You replay their words in your head, dissecting the lies
You feel queasy when they walk in the room
You retell stories about them as proof of your suffering
You fantasize about how amazing life would be without them
You dread speaking to them so much you'd rather stub your toe
The keyword here? You allow these thoughts and feelings.
And you, my friend, are always in control.
So, what’s the pocket calculus?
If someone said the sky is green and the clouds are neon pink, would you argue? Or would you shrug and think, “Okay… sure.” Treat their false reality like that. A fantasy. A fairytale with no power over you.
“But what if they’re spreading lies to the kids?”
Let them. Time reveals all. You aren’t the author of your legacy—time is.
When their voice grates at your soul, remember this: life is a test. And every interaction is a multiple choice question. The answer? Always choose the response that reflects your light, not their darkness.
When someone asks you about them, speak with restraint. Whether they were once a friend, a lover, or a parent you never chose, what you say about someone when they aren’t around reflects your healing. And healing doesn’t happen overnight. It happens when you choose better thoughts. When you speak in hope instead of hurt. When you reclaim your energy by not feeding pain with reflection.
Maybe life is a hundred million times better without them. That’s okay. But remember—they came into your life for a reason. Even if it was just to show you how far you’d drifted from your own self-worth.
Think of them like grooves on the highway—those rough patches remind you to stay in your lane, safely centered in self-esteem.
Talking to people who bring you down can feel like a chore.
But here’s the twist—the hidden treasure of this whole blog:
There’s no such thing as a terrible person.
Only unhealed ones. Misguided ones. Ones who don’t yet know their own light.
Talk to them with the love of Christ. But don’t feel guilty about protecting your peace. Jesus didn’t have heart-to-hearts with everyone. In fact, our blessed JC (I love that nickname for our Savior) often spoke in parables—short stories with big truths. He gave just enough to engage, but not enough to let everyone in. He protected His energy, and so should you.
Wow. We unpacked a lot today—and on a Friday no less! I’m proud of us. More importantly, I’m proud of you. If you made it to the end of this blog, it means you’re serious about becoming the best version of yourself.
And guess what?
You can. You will. Through His grace.
Until next time,
Maria 🌹
