Soul Mate or Ship Mate?
How do you know if you’ve found the one?
Dear reader, I am here to report that there is a gulf of difference between people who are meant to dock at a certain port in your life and those who are meant to sail the vast ocean with you—through endless voyages and golden sunsets. And turbulent seas? They only make the journey more interesting, more heroic.
So, how do you know if you're with a ship mate—someone you may care for deeply but aren’t meant to spend forever with? Here are five telltale signs:
1. The Haunting What If
You find yourself constantly battling the thought that someone out there might be a better match for you. Your idle moments are filled with questions: What if I met someone else? Would I still be wondering? What if life could be easier with the person who was truly meant for me? And the most unsettling question of all—do soulmates even exist?
2. A Deep Sadness… Even When Things Are Good
You can lie to your head, but you can’t lie to your heart. When you deny your soul its counterpoint, it won’t let you forget. Imagine this: you’ve had a perfect day with your partner—the sun is shining at a crisp 75 degrees, there’s a festival down the street, you share cotton candy, your favorite TV show comes on, and the night ends with a glass of wine and peaceful quiet. Yet, there’s still a hollow space inside you, the exact shape of your person. But who are they? Where are they? And—more importantly—when will you meet them?
3. The People in Your Life Don’t Like Them
Your family and friends are the gut feelings you can trust when you’re too deep in the sauce to see clearly. How do you know you’re lost in it? It’s when you find yourself defending your relationship against logical concerns from people who love you. The truth is, they know you. Some of them have known you since childhood—they can see through the forced smile, the subtle unease. And watching you settle for someone who isn’t quite right? It’s painful for them to witness.
4. The Little Things Aren’t So Little
Small behaviors irritate you in a way that feels disproportionate. Let’s be real—your soulmate could leave the toilet seat up or scatter their makeup across the counter, and you’d probably think it was endearing. But when someone isn’t your person, those little things start to feel like a bridge too far. The truth is, incompatibility isn’t about shared interests or childhood experiences. It’s about frequency—a deep, unshakable energy. When you’re not on the same wavelength, your soul feels it every second of the day.
5. Table for One? Yes, Please.
When someone is just a ship mate, you find yourself looking forward to time away from them. In Queen Charlotte, King George yells after his bride, “Where are you going?!” to which she sharply replies, “Anywhere you’re not.” If you feel that sigh of relief when they’re not around, it’s not just about personal space. It’s the quiet realization that life is only half as good as it could be.
So, dear reader, the question isn’t just who you’re sailing with—but whether the journey ahead is meant to last a lifetime.
The idea you have of your dream partner is real. How do I know this? Because you are real. For every yin, there is a yang. In this vast, intricate universe, every energy has a counterpoint. Ask science—at our core, we are just energy. Beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, daring, courageous, entertaining, serious, and phenomenal energy. Like magnets, there is a north pole to your south pole.
Now, let’s circle back to that little note on sign number two—when will you meet them? That, my dear reader, is up to you and God. The person of your dreams will enter your life when you no longer need them to be happy. If you are single or in a relationship and still wondering when, I urge you to read that sentence again. Let it sink in.
When you surrender to the process and choose to fully enjoy life, regardless of your longing for your soul’s mate, you put yourself in alignment to meet them. Think of it like a runway.
When you’re worried, stressed, or constantly dwelling on what’s missing—when you allow that emptiness to cast a shadow over your sunny days—your runway is cluttered with doubt and disappointment. When you’re committed to the wrong person, your runway is occupied, leaving no space for the person who is meant to land in your life. The only way God can do His thing—the only way the perfect partner can touch down—is when your runway is clear, open, and ready for the one designed just for you.
And notice, I said perfect. But let’s be clear—does that mean they always say the right things, do the right things, and embody some spotless, unquestionable ideal? No. That’s not what soulmate perfection looks like.
Here’s what it is:
Their very presence brings you peace.
A quiet kind of certainty.
A gratitude so deep that only God can hear you utter it.
And that, dear reader, brings me to the five signs that you’ve found what films and fairytales call “the one.” Or rather—your one.
Five Signs You’ve Found Your One
Easy Peasy – They don’t find fault with you easily. If you don’t pick up the phone or text back right away, they assume the positive. They don’t spiral into insecurity, questioning their worth or your intentions. They don’t feel ignored or undervalued because they understand—you have a life outside of them, and they are simply happy to be a part of it. When you do connect, it’s effortless. You pick up where you left off, no overanalyzing, no unnecessary tension. Arguments over little, insignificant things? Not your reality. They value peace with you more than proving a point. They extend grace for you to be human, and that feels like a 30-second exhale.
Sacrifice is Natural – Going out of their way for you isn’t a grand spectacle. They don’t sound the alarms or expect a standing ovation when they do something to make your life easier or happier. They don’t keep score. Their kindness isn’t performative—it’s instinctive. They help, they support, they show up, not because they have to, but because they want to. Their love is an unspoken promise to make life together as smooth as possible.
Back to the Future – Planning a future with you isn’t forced; it’s second nature. It happens in passing, in small moments—“We should go there next summer,” “Imagine our kids running around here,” “One day, when we live together…” You see, when your soul is at rest, planning comes next. Their heart is always whispering: How can I keep you longer? How can I see you again? How can I spend my life with you?
We-Time – Alone time is important, but somehow, you never seem to get enough of them. When they leave the room, you miss them. When they fall asleep, you wish they were still awake to talk to you. Their presence doesn’t drain you—it fills you. And here’s the best part: Your soulmate will make you love yourself more. The things you used to criticize about yourself? They look at them and say, And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Your Friends and Family Approve – There’s nothing quite like hearing the people who know you best—the ones who have seen you at your highest and lowest—say, This is the one. Your friends, your family, even your kids (if you have them) see it. They sense it. Because they know you. And they know what you need.
If the people who love you aren’t celebrating your love, pay attention. Because life is too short to spend it on an island of half-happiness. To be siloed in a love that the people who truly want the best for you can’t get behind. If you’re dating someone your loved ones don’t like? Run like the Purge is chasing you. It’s not worth it.
I know waiting is hard. But you know what’s harder? Spending your life with the wrong one.
“But Maria, how do you know these things? Have you experienced it?”
I thought you’d never ask.
Let’s just say—I cleared my runway. And what landed?
Nothing short of a miracle. I found my soulmate. You will find yours too.
Until next time,
Maria 🌹
