Palm Trees and Fog
Palm Trees and Fog
The title of this blog has nothing to do with the context. If you’ve been here a while, you know I like to mix things up every now and then.
Here’s what we’re going to talk about: raising kids and how to find time for yourself while doing so.
You’re going there, Maria? Oh yes, I’m going there.
I’ve been a single mom since before AirPods. Yep, it’s been a while. I got divorced in 2013, so this whole “me time” journey is something I’ve had to learn how to navigate. And yes, it’s harder for single parents to carve out a moment in their day that isn’t consumed by responsibility, delegation, or the constant illusion that we have it all together. But truthfully? It’s hard for all parents.
So take a moment and pat yourself on the back. No, really—I’ll wait. Actually do it. I just pat myself on the back and it felt weird, but so good at the same time.
Because so often, self-encouragement only lives in our thoughts. Let’s bring that inner love into the real world. Remind yourself that you’re doing great. How do I know? Because the simple fact that you woke up today means that God is giving you another opportunity—to love, to grow, to make progress.
Now, maybe you’re reading this and you’re not a parent. That’s okay—read anyway. In the U.S., approximately 90% of adults become parents, so chances are, at some point, you’ll find yourself wondering this very same thing: How do I find time to work on myself while raising happy, healthy children?
One Word: Boundaries
Recently, I listened to the Huberman Lab podcast, and the guest psychologist said something that stuck with me: Boundaries do not require action from another party. It’s YOUR boundary.
According to ChatGPT (aka my favorite know-it-all):
A boundary in human relationships is a limit or guideline that defines what behaviors, interactions, and expectations are acceptable or unacceptable between individuals. Boundaries help protect a person’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being while fostering mutual respect and healthy connections.
That second sentence though… boundaries help protect our emotional health, physical health, and mental well-being.
What does that look like when raising kids? It means fighting.
Wait—let me explain.
Fighting doesn’t always have to be negative. When we fight for something, it means we believe in it. We need it. And we will take the necessary action to uphold a certain standard.
Fight for your me-time. Because the only way you can pour into your family and friends is if your own cup isn’t empty. Otherwise, you’ll be leaning over, but nothing will come out.
What does that look like in real life? It looks like exhaustion disguised as “just pushing through.” It looks like working non-stop to feel a sense of accomplishment because your personal life feels chaotic. It looks like being stuck in a mental loop—ruminating on things that don’t uplift your perspective.
So, let’s talk about solutions. Here are three ways I actively fight for time to refill my cup with energy that sustains me.
1. Journaling
A 2021 study published in JAMA Psychiatry found that gratitude journaling significantly decreased symptoms of depression and increased overall well-being.
I will literally lock my door to journal sometimes. Because my private thoughts matter. Yours do too.
Talk to yourself. Talk to God. Talk to your future. And sometimes—just for fun—I journal about a day that doesn’t even exist yet.
It might look something like this:
"I loved spending time by my Olympic pool today. It was so relaxing to float by the waterfall, and then write in my study. Sony Pictures called—they want to option my screenplay, and I’m so grateful."
Maybe you already journal. Maybe you don’t at all. If you’re the latter, try it today. Just grab a piece of paper, write the date, and fill the page with what you did today, what you’re grateful for, or whatever’s on your mind. Pour into your cup.
2. Articulating My Needs (Out Loud)
Another way I make time for myself is by saying—out loud—to my kids:
"I’m going to get some sushi for myself and have some quiet time at a restaurant. Unless there’s an emergency, please do not call mommy."
When I was a younger mom, I didn’t realize we have to articulate these things. Sometimes, we feel so overwhelmed and entitled to personal decompression that we just take the alone time we desperately need—without explanation.
But… is this jail? And are our kids the wardens?
Umm, yes. Parenthood is a beautiful jail that we built for ourselves. (I’m Kidding. Mostly.)
But in all seriousness—you’re not in jail. You just have to be more intentional. And that’s not a bad thing.
No matter how old your kids are, set the precedent that your personal time matters. Even if they’re toddlers, you can say, “I’m putting you down for a nap and then I’m having some time to myself.” They’ll stare at you like you just spoke Mandarin—but still, you’re laying the foundation.
Because here’s the truth: You are your own person. You have a life outside of being “Mom” or “Dad.” And that’s a good thing.
3. Long Walks—The Metaphor & The Practice
And last, but certainly not least—I go on long walks. Not 20-30 minute walks. I’m talking two or more hours.
I physically leave the house and take myself on a journey.
Because becoming the metaphor is a powerful practice.
Take yourself somewhere new. Walk in a different direction. Drive to a place you’ve never been. Don’t wait for a family vacation or a friend’s outing to expand your horizons.
You are enough of a reason to experience the blessed newness of life.
Use this time to get to know yourself better.
I know what you’re thinking—"Know myself? Maria, I’m me."
Yes, but our thoughts are usually focused on the future. What we need to do today, tomorrow, next week.
So slow down. Ask yourself the “getting to know you” questions you’d ask someone else:
Who’s your favorite movie character and why?
What’s the first memory you have of truly laughing?
Which friend means the most to you, and how did you meet them?
Because at the end of the day, you are your closest friend.
That’s my two cents, dear reader. I hope this message finds you in good spirits today.
Make time for yourself. Love yourself. And be kind to all the parts of you that hurt.
Until next time,
Maria 🌹
