How Do I Know When I’m Healed?

Short answer: there isn’t a short answer.

Healing isn’t linear. It happens in waves, in layers, in ways you don’t always recognize until you’re tested. And here’s the truth—your level of healing is only revealed when the wound is touched.

Most people understand PTSD in a general sense, but let’s define it with a little more depth. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an intense emotional response to an event, a phrase, a moment that echoes a previous devastation. I’m not talking about everyday sadness or disappointment—I mean categorical trauma. The kind that rewires you. Betrayal. Abuse. Manipulation. Gaslighting so severe that you start to question reality.

When we endure this kind of damage—whether through toxic relationships or unforeseen calamity—our brain registers it as an emergency and makes a solemn vow: never again. And if we even think about walking down that road again? The brain sounds the alarm and says, “Oh, you wanna try that again? Cool. Here’s a full-body panic attack, like spiders crawling all over you.” That’s what it means to be triggered.

Triggers are the brain’s attempt at self-defense. The trauma loads the gun, and when something even remotely resembles what broke you, the brain fires. What does that look like? Maybe you lash out. Maybe you shut down. Maybe you spiral.

So, how do you know when you’re healed?

Here’s the first sign: You’re no longer triggered.

Your trauma response is like a detour—a road you take to avoid those painful potholes of the past. But if you keep using the detour, how will you ever know if the main road has been repaired?

There are three things that rebuild mental roads:

1. God.

2. Good People.

3. Going Deeper.

God reminds you who you really are. Reading scripture and following His guidance isn’t just about rules—it’s about rebuilding yourself from the inside out.

Good people are the chocolate chips of life. They remind you that the world isn’t all sharp edges and broken glass. They reinforce your healing. And here’s something to consider—triggers aren’t always negative. Someone loving you well can trigger something in you too. A kind gesture. A thoughtful gift. A moment of genuine care. Sometimes, healing requires learning how to receive good things again.

And that leads us to the hardest part…

Going Deeper.

Healing isn’t just about what happened to you—it’s about understanding why you were in that situation to begin with. What was inside of you that tolerated it? That attracted it? That mistook red flags for familiarity?

That’s not about self-blame. It’s about self-responsibility.

Because the truth is, you are the common denominator in your life. You choose your environment, the people you engage with, the way you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set (or don’t). Going deeper means unpacking all of that—not alone, but with someone who can help you make sense of it. A trusted friend. A mentor. A therapist, if you can afford one.

Which brings me to the next sign that you’re healing: You make better decisions.

It’s not your fault if you touch a hot pan once. But if you touch it again—after knowing it burns—you’re working against your own wisdom.

“But Maria, people aren’t hot pans.”

I know. I know. It’s so much more complicated. Sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we can’t escape. A parent. A co-parent. A boss. Someone who exists in that painful duality—both a source of difficulty and a presence we have to navigate.

That’s hard. But you? You’re harder to break.

You know you’re healing when you’re faced with the same situation that used to unravel you… but you don’t unravel. You respond instead of reacting. You see the moment for what it is—without letting it dictate your emotions.

Let me give you a real example.

One of my kids gaslit me once. And before I healed, that wrecked me. I love my children more than anything, so when I felt unappreciated, I would react with tears and anger. But after doing the work, I faced the same situation with a different response.

She wanted to wear slippers to the mall. I said, “Um, heck no.”
She said, “You just don’t want me to go.”
And there it was—that little sting of emotional manipulation.

The old me would’ve been triggered. But the healed me? I spoke from a place of peace. I said, “Honey, I want to come. But, we’re leaving now and only people without slippers can come.” Humor always helps to reorient relationship frustrations.

How do you respond from a healed place?
Simple. Speak words that represent you five minutes after you’re no longer upset.

In the heat of the moment, ask yourself: What would I say once the emotions settle? And then say that.

It sounds impossible—until you do it.

And that brings us to the final marker of healing: Living in peace.

Not just in your circumstances—but in your mind.

Your thought life is your real life. That’s what creates your world. So ask yourself:

• What does your mental home look like?

• Is it clean and organized?

• Is it semi-tidy with a few closets of chaos?

• Or is it a full-blown TLC Hoarders episode?

Whatever the state of it—you can clean it up. It won’t happen overnight, but healing is a process of making space. Clearing out old narratives. Creating order where there was once disorder.

And about those potholes? Here’s the truth: Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Time helps. But healing comes from a 360-degree approach—mind, body, and soul working together to reclaim your wholeness.

That’s how you live like the version of you who was never hurt.

But listen—there’s no arrival. There’s no finish line where you suddenly have it all figured out. I’m healed, but I’m also still alive. Still growing. Still learning. Still getting better every single day.

So let’s challenge ourselves this week to go deeper.

Ask someone you trust:
"What’s something you think I need to heal from that I might not be noticing?"

Because no matter how much progress we’ve made, we all have blind spots. And the beauty of healing is that it’s never too late to start again.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

How Many Times Can You Start Over?

Short answer: As many times as it takes.

So, you made a plan. You wrote it down, gathered every ounce of commitment energy you could summon, and for a moment, you never felt more sure of yourself. Wiser. Stronger. Ready to transform. And then—three days later—you’re not just back at square one; you’re at square negative five, carrying the weight of self-betrayal. Because breaking a promise to yourself stings in a way nothing else does, after all, if you can’t trust yourself, what kind of trust do you believe in?

Is commitment real if choice is involved? We like to think that when we decide on something, that’s it—decision made, no turning back. Iron-clad plans shouldn’t come with an escape hatch. And yet, we secretly carve one into the walls of our resolve—a hidden revolving door leading us right back to the comfort we swore we’d outgrown.

Why do we do this?

Short answer: We don’t want to make ourselves sad.

Long answer? It’s deeper than just discomfort. Choosing discipline—whether it’s a salad over a burger, saving instead of spending, or choosing peace over retaliation—can trigger a strange kind of sadness. That sadness isn’t weakness; it’s actually proof that your brain is working exactly as it should. Our minds are wired to protect us, to maintain balance, and keep us feeling rewarded, safe, and at ease. So, when we try to disrupt that cycle, our brain fights back, nudging us toward what feels familiar and soothing. Even if "soothing" means staying in patterns that no longer serve us.

And that’s where the real problem lies. If your current programming is built around habits that are keeping you stuck, your brain will keep running those habits like a perfectly functioning app—just with the wrong data.

Imagine a burger factory where all the machines work, the employees are on task, but instead of cheese on the conveyor belt, someone loaded up shredded wood chips. The process is still running, but the final product is useless.

Your brain isn’t the problem. The programming is. And programming is your job.

Your brain doesn’t get to choose what it feeds itself—you do. Your jurisdiction lies in your hands, feet, mouth, eyes, and ears. With your five senses, you get to decide what ingredients you’re feeding your mind, and those ingredients determine the quality of the life you build.

So, let’s ask ourselves these questions this week:

• What can I do with my hands?

• Where can I go with my feet?

• What can I speak into existence—for myself and others?

• What can I watch?

• What can I listen to?

What actions can I take today that will give my brain the right data to build the life I say I want?

Because it’s a partnership. Your brain does the processing, but you control the inputs. And when we take ownership of something, we naturally care for it better. That’s why you should never beat yourself up for starting over—whether it’s your tenth try or your millionth.

You are in the best position possible to begin again—this time, with a new understanding of what real success looks like. It’s not about what you think—it’s about what you do. Change your actions, and your thinking will follow.

Challenge this week:
Guard your ear, eye, and mouth gates. Keep them filled with things that uplift, inspire, and align with your higher self. If you wouldn’t listen to it, watch it, or say it in front of Jesus—give yourself permission to refrain.

Better living is your birthright. Let’s conquer this week together!

Our Pets Heads Are Falling Off

Life is a little too structured and precise to be random. The changing of seasons, the complexities of the human mind, the stars and moon, the Earth suspended in the balance of invisible energy—all of it points to an infinite intelligence.

They say—whoever "they" are—that billions of years ago, a Big Bang erupted with a sudden clash of energy and particles. But where did the particles come from? The inevitable answer is God. No mathematical equation or scientific explanation can quantify how we came to be without acknowledging a Creator. You might ask, “But Maria, who created God?” That’s simple: God exists outside of time. He wasn’t created. He always is, always was, and always will be. He is the Creator.

Think about it: humans create computers, but we don’t live inside them. We aren’t governed by the ones and zeros that power them. Imagine a tiny receptor on a microchip wondering why it’s never seen a human. By the time it starts buzzing with connections, the computer is closed and out of sight. That receptor might only “see” its creator again when the computer shuts off, and the energy stops flowing.

What’s Your Point, Maria?
Right, my point—God isn’t constrained by time, space, or human reasoning. He isn’t limited by the laws of math and science. He is above it all. This truth is the foundation of our trust in Him.

Picture this: you’re on a plane, 30,000 feet in the air, when the pilot has a heart attack. The plane nosedives, and chaos erupts. Luggage flies out of the overhead compartments, and people are screaming. Then, in the midst of it all, someone shouts, “Let me in the cockpit! I’m a pilot!” People cheer as he takes control. Skeptics remain uneasy until the plane stabilizes, but when it does, the screaming stops. The plane lands safely, and relief sweeps over everyone.

Who saved the passengers in this emergency? Someone who knew the most about the environment they were in—a pilot. And that’s just a metaphor. How much more secure would you feel if the pilot not only flew the plane but designed it? What if he created the laws of aerodynamics? That’s God.

When life feels confusing, when you’re trying to be happy but still wrestling with unhappiness, remember that the only one who can truly help is the one who knows everything about your situation: Jesus.

Not only was Jesus there when the foundations of the Earth were formed, but He also lived as a human. He knows what it’s like to feel pain, to cry, to be hurt, to eat, to talk, to travel, and to love. Toward the end of His life, He said, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This wasn’t hyperbole. It was truth. You canovercome the struggles of life.

Normal Questions Hour
How do you trust Jesus? How do you overcome the world? How do you live in peace and happiness?

Start here: God will show you what living for Jesus looks like for you. He speaks through Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Maybe your purpose is to be a mother, a painter, a janitor, a teacher, or a mechanic. No matter what it is, when you live for Him, you’ll find sustainable peace. 

Pets’ Heads?
The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite comedies, Dumb and Dumber. In one scene, Lloyd, frustrated with life, shouts, “We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets’ heads are falling off!” That scene always reminds me how quickly life falls apart when we take our eyes off Jesus.

Life starts making sense when we realize we aren’t just growing for ourselves. Our lives are part of an entire ecosystem, a garden where every flower, tree, and blade of grass connects. Growth isn’t always convenient, but it’s purposeful. When God prunes us, it hurts. When He removes someone we love or allows hardship, it’s to draw us closer to Him.

We’re spiritual warriors. Warriors get injured, but they also rise and fight again.

Chin Up, My Dear Reader
Just like God created the world, He also created your smile. Let it remind you that you are never outside His divine control.

God’s plans are higher than ours. His perspective is supernatural. He creates us with purpose, just as a company like Apple designs laptops to function well and uphold their brand. How much more, then, does God create us to thrive?

Recap of Last Week
Last week, I didn’t make a self-improvement plan. I needed a break from the mental gymnastics of stepping out of my comfort zone. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

If you’re still tracking with me, here’s a challenge: make a 12-hour plan. Start small. Practice your new habits from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM. Before or after that, do you. We’re growing together, one half-day at a time.

As those half-days pile up, they’ll turn into months, years, and eventually a lifetime of living our best lives for God.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Where’s My Wagon?

Where’s My Wagon?

All plans to change and cut something off cold turkey sound easy in theory. “Just say no.” Be strong. Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want the outcome badly enough, you’ll stick with it, right?

Wrong.

There’s a tricky thing I call the “head cuffs.” Your hands are free to act, but when we break promises to stop overeating, losing our temper, watching porn, or overindulging in anything toxic, it’s often because our mind is bound by a threefold chain.

What’s this chain made of? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. This bondage we all succumb to at some point in life is one part emotional fluctuation, one part toxic personal narrative, and one part unexpected disturbances.

Here’s how it happens:
We make a commitment. The goal feels so close we can almost touch it. It excites us, fills us with hope, and fuels our determination to change. But here’s the kicker—the version of you that makes the plan isn’t the version of you that struggles with the problem. Can you relate? The part of you that dreams of change is optimistic and lives in the realm of possibility. But the part of you stuck in old patterns is weighed down by that threefold chain.

Stages of Give-Up-ness

1. Emotional Fluctuation

Emotions are fabulous passengers on the journey to change—they cheer, sing along, and bring snacks. But the moment they grab the wheel? Disaster. They’ll steer you straight into a ditch.

Here’s the truth: emotions fluctuate based on what you eat, how you sleep, who calls, what happens at work, or what drama unfolds at home. Life’s ups and downs make the battleground of “Day One Temptation” feel like stepping into a boxing ring with a heavyweight champ. Your emotions are already doing so much to keep you functional that introducing a new pattern sets off their alarms. They’ll send a little memo to your brain: “Just start this another day.”

Spoiler alert: another day never comes. Unless you form a contingency plan.

Here’s where prayer comes in. Prayer helps stabilize your emotional equilibrium. When emotions are ready to hijack the ride, God can steady the wheel and keep you moving forward.

2. Toxic Personal Narrative

By the end of the day, your personal narrative shows up like a rowdy roommate flipping the couch, tearing down the blinds, and throwing eggs at you. Why? Because you’re not acting like “you.”

Your personal narrative is the story you’ve written about who you are, based on your actions. And let me tell you, that story doesn’t care for edits. It says, “We’ve been through so much together, and now you want to toss me out?”

The truth? Yes. The old narrative has to die. Why? Because it’s rotten. It will infect every page of your new life if you let it. You rewrite the story of “who I am” not with words, but with repeated actions—sunrises and sunsets where you choose differently.

3. Unexpected Disturbances

Ever noticed how the moment you’re on a roll, something comes along to knock the wind out of you? It’s like Murphy’s Law is lurking, waiting for you to write a positive plan so it can throw a wrench in the works.

Here’s a highlight reel of my own:

• The only day my youngest ever peed in her car seat? The day we moved across the country.

• I found out about my ex-husband’s affair two hours after a glorious baby shower where I felt like a princess.

• I was laid off three months after moving 3,000 miles away from my remote job’s headquarters.

• The worst argument of my life? Four hours after decorating for a party.

Life has impeccable timing, doesn’t it? But these disturbances remind us that we’re trying to change in the same circumstances that stress us out, with the same mind that binds us.

But There’s Hope

The Bible says to die to self—not as a lofty idea, but as a real, practical approach. Changing requires a mind purge. Start at zero. Talk to God about the problem. Don’t rush into a plan.

Here’s why: that toxic behavior wasn’t born overnight, and it won’t disappear overnight either. Remember that car I mentioned? Emotions can’t drive it. Neither can you. If you try, you’ll end up at a dead end.

God is the driver. Surrender the wheel. Spend time in prayer, meditate on His word, and dream with Him about the life you want. Take as long as you need until you fully grasp this: you cannot change alone.

God says, “I am the vine; you are the branches” (John 15:5).
Stay connected to Him. When temptation strikes? Pray. When life throws you curveballs? Pray. When your personal narrative mocks you? Pray.

The Bible reminds us:

• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).

• “The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18).

So, You Fell Off the Wagon?

Good. Wagons aren’t built for positive change. You’re not riding in one anymore. You’re in the passenger seat with God, who leads us into a consistent life of victory.

Last time we met, I mentioned reflecting on a time God showed you favor. That exercise lifted my spirits!

This week, here’s the challenge: don’t make a new plan. Don’t even think about it. Spend the week talking to God about who you want to become. Ask Him for help.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him, my heart trusts, and I am helped” (Psalm 28:7).

Until next time, dearest,
Maria 🌹

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Me?

Life is unpredictable, isn’t it? One moment, everything feels steady, and the next, the ground beneath us gives way. Someone is badly injured, and the pain ripples far into the future. Someone dies. Someone walks out of your life, maybe forever. A diagnosis arrives, leaving you shattered. Or someone says words that cut so deep you wonder if they’ll ever heal.

Why do these things happen? And, more importantly, what are we supposed to do when life takes such a turn? Is there even a way to rise above these moments—to find a state of bliss, peace, and acceptance no matter what life throws at us?

The short answer: no. But don’t click away just yet—stay with me while we unpack what to do when life hands you lemons that turn out to be grenade-shaped and blow up everything you thought you knew.

The Aftershock: Emotional Whiplash

When bad things happen, the emotional aftermath can feel like a tidal wave. Here are three common responses people experience when hurt strikes. Let me know if any of these resonate with you:

Feeling Shortchanged
The immediate reaction is often to wish you could turn back time—five minutes, five hours, five days—because back then, life was still good. Or at least better than it is now. There’s a sense of injustice: “Why me?” you think, as you grapple with how chaos can exist in a world where seasons, gravity, and mathematics exist in perfect order.

Looking for Someone to Blame
When the dust settles, our minds naturally turn to the question: “Who’s responsible for this?” We replay events, searching for answers, hoping to uncover how this happened and, more importantly, how to prevent it from ever happening again.

Grieving Deeply
Sometimes, tears aren’t enough. You want to scream, punch something, or take your heartbreak straight to God and demand restitution for every tear you’ve shed. Grief is raw, messy, and impossible to ignore.

So, What Do We Do?

I’m no expert—I’m just a 34-year-old woman navigating life on this wild planet. But I know someone who is an expert: God. Let’s explore these emotional stages through His lens, guided by His word.

When You Feel Shortchanged

Feeling shortchanged hurts—whether it’s from people, circumstances, or even life itself. But God sees you, and He sees your pain. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Trusting God with what feels unfair can lead to peace you never expected.

But here’s the tricky part: guarding your heart. Bitterness can take root quickly when life feels unjust. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us, “Get rid of all bitterness… Be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook—it means freeing yourself to move forward, trusting God to handle the rest.

And when the shortchanging comes from loss, especially death, the weight can feel unbearable. Yet God meets us in our grief. Psalm 34:18 promises, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” And Jesus reminds us in John 11:25-26, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”

Let His comfort hold you. You are not alone.

When You’re Looking for Someone to Blame

Blame feels natural in moments of pain. We think it’ll give us clarity, but God calls us to something deeper.

Take Job, for instance. He lost everything—his family, his health, his livelihood. If anyone had a right to blame someone, it was him. Yet his response was stunning: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21). He trusted God’s plan, even in his heartbreak.

Or consider the story in John 9, where Jesus’ disciples asked, “Who sinned—this man or his parents?” about a man born blind. Jesus shut it down, saying, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3). Not everything bad is about blame—sometimes, it’s about God’s greater purpose.

Jesus Himself wrestled with surrendering to God’s will. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39). Trusting God isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

Forgiveness is key here, too. Colossians 3:13 urges us, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” It’s not about saying the hurt was okay—it’s about choosing peace over resentment.

When You Just Need to Cry

God doesn’t shy away from our tears. Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Every tear matters to Him.

Even Jesus wept. When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus cried openly, despite knowing He’d raise him moments later (John 11:35). Crying is not a lack of faith—it’s a deeply human response that God embraces.

Matthew 11:28 invites us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And Revelation 21:4 promises, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

Let your tears flow to the One who cares for you deeply.

Why Do Bad Things Happen?

The hard truth is, we don’t always get to know. God’s plans are bigger than our understanding. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

But here’s what we do know: God’s heart is good. His plans, even when they hurt, are filled with purpose. And while we may not get answers, we can trust His love to guide us through the pain.

What’s Next?

Your job isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to trust the One who does. Bring your questions to God. He isn’t threatened by your doubts or fears. In fact, He invites them. Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find.” (Matthew 7:7-8).

God’s love is big enough to hold your pain, your questions, and your hope. He sees you, hears you, and promises to never leave you alone in your sorrow.

So, when life hands you those grenade-shaped lemons, remember: God is still writing your story, and the next chapter might just surprise you with His grace.

Trust me, I get it—I really do. You’ve heard it all before: “God knows, trust His plan, trust the process.” But here’s the question—have you actually done it? Have you truly surrendered? Embrace the freedom that comes only from letting go of your own will, dying to self, and living fully for Jesus.

This isn’t a one-and-done decision. It’s a daily surrender—morning, afternoon, and evening. So, my question for you is this: Have you surrendered your way for God’s way today?

Hack Your Brain

What is a "Meh Day"? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s when your brain gets hijacked by a mental computer virus called “Nothing’s Working.” This corrupted code weaves its way through your mind, convincing you—just for a day—that life is nothing more than a black-and-white film that never made it to the box office. The truth is, mental viruses like these don’t last longer than a day—unless we choose to feed them.

So, what do we do when sulking takes over and “woe is me” begins to set up shop in our mental control center? The only thing we can do: hack the hack. After all, while we aren’t literal computers, we are complex beings running on mental algorithms, coding, and programs that keep us in flow and shape who we are. Oh yeah, back to the question—how do we hack the hack?

Let me take you to one of my favorite scenes from Independence Day. Remember when Jeff Goldblum’s character realizes the aliens planted a virus in Earth’s computer system to locate and destroy our most prized cities and monuments? At first, humanity feels powerless. But then Goldblum has an epiphany after his father mentions the common cold. “That’s it!” he exclaims. “I’m gonna give them a virus.” He flips the script and hacks the hacker. If you haven’t seen this film, please pause here and enrich your life with this sci-fi classic.

I love this part because it illustrates such a profound truth: sometimes the best way to rise above a problem is to beat it at its own game.

So, what do viruses do? They mimic the internal dialogue of the mind, implant negative, self-defeating thought patterns (like consecutive bad code), and try to overwhelm us with repetition and falsehoods. The scariest part? These lies are often so close to the truth that they pass as valid inputs. Oh, they’re clever. But guess what? You’re better.

God equipped us with the ability to override these mental viruses. He gave us memory—the ultimate hack.

Viruses thrive on the present moment, using current challenges to cloud our future. But memory has the power to debunk their lies. It reminds us of our victories, our breakthroughs, and God’s faithfulness. And when we pair our willpower with God’s will, something incredible happens: clarity. I call it the cure of clarity.

Mental viruses work hard to make the future seem foggy. They whisper lies like, “Nothing’s working. You’ll keep trying to improve your life, but something will always come along to destroy it. So why even bother?” Don’t buy it. Override the lie.

Use your memory to recall a time when God came through for you—when He delivered a Hail Mary and rescued you from a daunting situation. Or think of a time when you worked hard, reached your goal, and celebrated the outcome. These moments remind us that it’s always God working behind the scenes. He aligns our steps, clears paths where none exist, and shapes our lives according to His divine plan. It’s not our striving that makes things happen—it’s His intervention. Not sometimes. Always.

So, hack the hack, dear reader. Don’t let mental viruses make you forget the blessings you’ve experienced or the beauty of life. Rainy days—and even rainy seasons—happen. But rain isn’t a sign of stagnation; it’s evidence of growth. It means blooming is on the horizon.

Oh, and let’s not forget those mirror affirmations. I did mine last week—missed a couple of days—but nailed it five times, and I felt incredible. Progress, not perfection, right?

Here’s your next step: take a moment today to stroll down memory lane. Recall a time when God showed you favor. Let that memory anchor you and remind you of the truth: no virus stands a chance against His plan.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

The Shoulder Minion

Celibate in the City

What does it mean to abstain? Are there things we convince ourselves we can avoid, only to find they pull us back in? Is withdrawal just a season, or can it last a lifetime? I asked myself these questions when I decided to consciously withdraw from having sex.

What was once a fun act full of passion, romance, and unexpected natural highs eventually became a source of mental torment. I didn’t want to believe sex was meant for marriage. The thought made me cringe, mostly because I didn’t think it was sustainable. After all, I have a high sex drive. Can you have a happy relationship without going there together? I didn’t think it was possible. Sometimes I still wonder. But I know that’s just my fear talking.

Is there something you want to remove from your life for a season or for good? What brought you to this place?

I’ll never forget two days before Valentine’s Day seven years ago. I had just had “schlintercourse” with a guy I’d been dating for two months. I asked him, “So, do we have any plans for Tuesday?” The glee of promise and smitten wonder was written all over my face. His response brought me back to earth:

“Oh, I totally forgot. I’m sorry. It is Valentine’s Day the day after tomorrow, huh?”

The “huh” at the end gut-punched me. I was supposed to confirm his disregard, detachment, and complete absentmindedness—while simultaneously understanding that I was just another notch on his belt.

The next day, he broke up with me, citing that he wasn’t ready to be a stepdad. My children were 10 and 11 at the time. The first thought in my head was, “That would’ve been great to know before you put on a condom.” I’ve never reached out to him, nor have I heard from him since.

But here’s my point: That day, I fell out of love with what I call “see where it goes” sex.

He wasn’t a bad guy. But you know what else he wasn’t? My husband. So who was he? A man who felt no obligation or responsibility toward me. And even if he did, he could still pack his bags and walk out of my life just the same.

A Lightbulb Moment

Oh. That’s why God said sex is for marriage. It’s not just a clever way to reach some higher moral ground. It’s the consummation of a contract. The agreement says, You take care of me, I’ll take care of you—forever.

And even if you get divorced, the principles of that agreement remain in effect. Ask anyone paying spousal or child support. Sex is one of those life-changing practices you need to get right, or your whole life can feel wrong.

How Did I Conquer It?

I haven’t had sex in a very long time, and I don’t have pretend sex with myself, either. How? I screwed my way to abstinence—pun intended. It took a few more years after that Valentine’s Day disaster to reach ironclad solidarity. But I’m here now, and my arrival is nothing short of a miracle.

Dear reader, you can conquer your flesh. That voice whispering in your ear—the shoulder minion—is nothing more than a spokesman for your past. It tells you how lonely, bored, overweight, or sober you are. It wants you to repeat patterns that don’t serve you because, as long as you do, it has a job.

There are versions of ourselves that must die—thinking loops that must be killed on the battlefield of our minds. But there are no guns or spears in this fight. Just starvation pods. When you starve a thought long enough, it dies.

And here’s the twist: This is the walking dead. Even if you starve it and it dies, picking up those old thinking patterns can resurrect that toxic behavior—worse than before.

How Do You Do This?

Addictive behaviors come with an entire administrative department in your mind, working to keep you down. Why? Because glowing up means discomfort. Every internal memo they send has this at the top: You will be uncomfortable.

But here’s the amazing news: YOU are the President. You rule. You veto. You dismiss. You have complete control over what happens in your mind and the actions you take.

This Is a “We” Journey

I still battle negative, defeating thoughts every single day. Take my hand—virtually. I’m in this with you. We got this. One day at a time, we will override those limiting beliefs.

Will you try an exercise with me this week? Look in the mirror and say:

“I am an overcomer, and I will rise to accomplish my goals today.”

Say it three times in the mirror every day this week.

I can’t wait to report back next Sunday. Until then, peace be with you.

Maria 🌹