The Green-eyed Monster: Overcoming Fear in Relationships

Fear. It sounds exactly like what it means, doesn’t it? Some words don’t sound like their meaning to me, but fear—there’s something in the phonetics that gives you chills. It’s the great equalizer. Everyone has at least one fear, something held captive by the unknown or the possibility of pain.

Can you overcome fear in relationships? In a word: Yes. But how?

Let’s explore this together.

I’ve had plenty of fears in my life. Some rational—like fearing the dark after I got pushed back by something supernatural. Others? Not so much—like fearing rejection from people who hadn’t even hinted at rejecting me in the first place.

You see, I was a young mom. By 18, I had two children. For a long time, I feared being “discovered” as immature, and ill-equipped to be a good mother. So how did I overcompensate? By taking myself way too seriously. I remember being 21, talking with a lady at my daughter’s daycare. I could feel the strain—Am I laughing too hard? Smiling too much? Do I sound naive? What can I say that will make me sound extra adult? It was exhausting. I feared opinions. But it’s not opinions alone that ensnare us in the belly of fear—it’s what those opinions might determine about our lives.

If they think this, then what will happen.

That’s the crux of it. And a big ol’ valid crux, I might add.

Then came my breakthrough: There are only four kinds of people on this entire planet of approximately 8 billion people and counting. Just four.

Tribe (25%)
These are your ride-or-dies. They love you and always will. You could call them in the middle of the night, confess to a bar fight gone terribly wrong, and they’d show up with a shovel. Too morbid? Maybe. But the point is—they’re not going anywhere. They defend you in rooms you aren’t in and want you to win purely because your happiness makes them happy.

A snapshot of one of my tribe members? My brother Mark. He calls me Mariamarianna. Every time I leave his presence, I feel like a rocket ship. He says things like, “You’re living the dream, sis.” And he was saying this back when I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with my two children. Or our favorite saying: You got the sauce. 

Tribe members give you permission to be unapologetically you. They’re rare, like comets, lighting up the parts of you that need it most.

Tea (25%)
These people like you—but could be convinced otherwise. They teeter on the fence of admiration and quiet skepticism. They don’t mind you winning, as long as you don’t win more than them. If you start to surpass them, the subtle jabs come out: “Hopefully it goes well… that’s a lot of work.” Or the dreaded “Good for you.”

Listen, no grown adult wants to hear Good for you! after achieving something big. You want I’m so proud of you! That’s amazing! Enthusiasm is what “Tea people” lack. They’re here for the tea, for the gossip. And they’re silent when others are talking about you in a negative light. Silence is an act of agreement. Silence is abandonment.

Checkers (25%)
They don’t like you, don’t get you—but they could be convinced otherwise. They check on you. They watch your stories but never like anything. They ask about you to others but never directly to you. They’re curious but not sold. Ever met someone at a party who gives one-word answers, sipping their drink like it’s a $500 glass of cognac? That’s a Checker. They don’t even know why they don’t like you, so they collect data, hoping to justify their feelings.

Beware of Checkers. Relationships—whether friendship or otherwise—should be with people who chose you from the start. First round pick. Being in a “situationship” with someone who treated you like you were just normal at first? That manifests in a thousand little ways later. You deserve relationships where people look at you and think, Maybe you’re magic.

Mold (25%)
They don’t like you, and they never will. You are the thorn in their side. Your mere existence irks them. If you were dying and all you needed was a single crap to save your life—they would not give a crap.

And it’s almost funny. What’s the problem? What about my shine bothers you so much?

Moldy people don’t understand that lighting someone else’s candle doesn’t put out their own light. They think success is limited, that your seat at the table means there’s less room for them. But here’s the thing—some Moldy people aren’t even threatened by you. They’re just completely out of alignment with your frequency. You’re playing a song, and all they hear is static.

Ignore the mold. The only beast that survives is the one you feed.

Life is short—spend it with your Tribe.

Whew! Got that out. Are you still with me? Okay, I’ll make you a cup of tea while I wrap this up.

I overcame my fear by embracing this: If someone doesn’t like me, get me, or accept me—they’re just in that other 25%, and that’s okay. That’s okay.

Be bold. Be yourself. Let the jalapeño chips fall where they may. If someone walks away? The sun will keep shining, the clock will keep ticking, and you, dear reader, will continue to be the most unique, blessed person ever to grace this earth.

So, let’s challenge ourselves this week. Think of a fear—big or small. Picture yourself overcoming it. Imagine every step and facet. Immerse yourself in what it looks like for you to overcome that fear—minimum ten-minute daydream. Put on a soundscape, time yourself, and escape into barrier-breaking thoughts with me.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Eat the Cake First: The Art of Living in the Present While Building the Future

How does one live in the moment while planning for the future? Can you really enjoy a baseball game while recording it on your smartphone? Can you bask in the here and now while also fervently strategizing for what’s ahead? Can you, indeed, have your “present cake” and eat it too? Or, to put it another way—does one compromise the other when they flow in parallel inside our mind?

I love myself an example, so here we go.

When I receive good news—like being asked to speak at San Diego College next month (still screaming inside about this!)—it’s hard not to get swept up in the excitement and temporarily set aside the deep work and preparation required to deliver.

Actually, let me be clearer—when I think about sharing my story and solutions with those students, I want to do snow angels in the Gobi Desert while Sia’s “Unstoppable” blasts on earth’s surround sound, rose petals cascade onto my face and body, and somewhere in the background, my favorite singer, Céline Dion, is whispering “I am so proud of you” on loop.

Have you ever experienced a “happiness high” like that? The kind that lifts you off the ground, makes everything feel electric, and suddenly life is lighter, easier, almost cinematic? The kind where you want to bottle up the feeling and sip from it forever?

But here's the challenge—how do you pin yourself down (literally and figuratively) to focus while still floating in the surreal blessings of life?

You ask great questions. Let’s unpack.

What Emotions Do We Feel When Life Gives Us a Break?

There’s a rush—excitement, relief, joy, validation, anticipation. Maybe even disbelief, like the universe finally sent you a “Yes” after a long season of “Not yet.”

We want to celebrate. We should celebrate.

These moments don’t come every day, and if we don’t honor them, we dull our ability to recognize the beauty of our journey. Life is a collection of wins and lessons—when you get a win, soak it up.

What Emotions Do We Feel When It’s Time to Build?

This is where the shift happens. Once the celebration settles, a new set of emotions creeps in—responsibility, focus, discipline, maybe even fear. Excitement can quickly morph into pressure, the awareness that this moment must be nurtured and sustained.

It’s like being approved for a custom-built home loan—an incredible milestone. But the moment the ink dries, the real work begins. Electrical, digging, painting, plastering, appliances—there’s a process, and you must commit to every stage.

But here’s the truth dear reader: you can still walk through every part of that home’s construction and bask in the glory of an answered prayer. You can live in the joy of what is happening now while building what’s next.

The Dance Between Joy & Discipline

Is there a time and place to replace one feeling with the other? No. It’s a delicate dance.

Joy is the beginning of a wavelength.
Discipline is the end of it.

When choreographed properly, they flow into each other seamlessly.

Happiness is fleeting. Appreciation is forever. The best way to honor life’s beautiful moments isn’t just to feel them—it’s to let your appreciation inspire action. Through action, you build the practices, the thought patterns, and the discipline that allow you to sustain and fully enjoy this higher level of life.

The Methodical Joy of Being Present

I love seeing my family. So when I finally flew home to Virginia after missing the holidays (don’t ask me how many times I listened to Luther Vandross’s “Every Year, Every Christmas” with misty eyes), my heart was bursting.

But that much joy can be almost paralyzing. Who do I see first? What do we talk about? How do I make this time count?

I stopped myself. I applied my own lesson.

1. Start with joy. Let yourself feel it fully.

2. Apply appreciation. Acknowledge how much this moment means.

3. Take intentional action. Decide how to structure the moment so you can actually experience it.

So I slowed my thoughts down and made a plan: spend the night at my brother’s house, be fully present, not even check my phone for the weather, then meet up with Mark, then Mom and Dad. One by one (I have a big family). Intentional, present, fully there.

And even though I ended up gravely ill during the trip (the kind of sick where you look homeless and stop caring), my joy wasn’t lost. Because I had taken raw happiness and channeled it into intentionality.

Joy is Fuel—Don’t Let It Evaporate

Supreme thoughts feed our minds the kind of mental nourishment that can only be produced by a genuine, beaming smile.

We need those feelings.

When we go through seasons devoid of warm excitement—the kind that makes you feel seen by God—we slowly shift into a less vibrant version of ourselves. The one who just goes through the motions. The one for whom life feels muted—overcast skies, green vegetation, cars honking.

It’s a dangerous place to stay for too long.

That’s why when joy comes knocking, it can be so difficult to both embrace it and move forward with the deep work required to sustain it.

But the key is understanding that happiness isn’t the endgame—it’s the signal that you’ve arrived at a moment that matters.

And when you recognize that, you can live fully in the joy while methodically building a future that lets you keep experiencing it, again and again.

Eat the cake first. But don’t forget to begin baking the next one.

Until next time,

Maria 🌹

What is Food for Thought?

Every single thought in your mind serves as a source of mental fuel—propelling you toward your destiny. Okay, got that out. We’re going to do some lifting because today, mental weight training is the soupe de jour. 

Thoughts are not just fleeting notions; they are our sustenance. And if thoughts are food, then we’ve already answered one of the oldest existential questions: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The answer? The chicken.

Why? Because created things don’t begin in a state of transformation; they start as fully realized manifestations of reality. Our thoughts shape the world we most identify with. To tie a bow on the chicken-and-egg theory—before an egg comes into existence, the chicken first envisions itself and then reproduces through that vision. But this is just one perspective (admittedly, I have many) because I enjoy challenging my own theories, and testing them from all angles.

That was just a warm-up. Now, let’s get into the real question: What kind of thought diet creates the world we dream of living in?

A Balanced Mental Nutrition Plan

Contrary to popular belief, a mental diet of only happy, positive thoughts will leave you malnourished. Were you expecting that? Just as our bodies need more than just fruits and vegetables, our minds require a diverse range of thoughts to function optimally.

Let’s break it down:

• Vegetables: Thoughts centered on self-improvement and healing.

• Fruits: Thoughts that cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the present moment.

• Grains: Thoughts about the people we love and care about.

• Protein: Thoughts that fuel a powerful and positive future.

• Dairy: Thoughts that focus on enhancing our skill sets and growth.

But we don’t just live on food, right? We need hydration. Think of the content you watch as your water—the more positive and thought-provoking it is, the purer and more balanced, like clean, high-pH water that nourishes and sustains you.

Not all thoughts are meant to feel good. That was a shocking realization for me. Ten years ago, I immersed myself in positivity—motivational speeches, good vibes, uplifting sermons—only to find myself burnt out. Why? Because just as a diet consisting solely of fruits and vegetables will eventually leave you weak and depleted, so too will a mental diet devoid of challenge and variety.

The Importance of Variety in Thought

Our brains crave both consistency and variety. A steady stream of positivity is essential, but without contrast, there is no balance—no depth of perspective to advance personal growth.

Here’s what “variety thoughts” can look like:

1. Checking in with yourself – Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions. Acknowledge them, but don’t let them settle permanently. Just because a feeling visits doesn’t mean it gets to build a house in your mind.

2. “What If” Course Correction – Use your imagination to visualize the consequences of not pursuing your best self. What happens first? Then what? And after that? Mentally walking through these scenarios provides clarity and motivation.

3. Spiritual Digging – Self-improvement is a collaborative effort between you and God. Growth often doesn’t feel good, but the discomfort is the best kind—the kind that molds and refines you.

The Power of Scaling Your Thoughts

Unlike food, which we consume a few times a day, thoughts are constant. Studies show that the average person has 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day—that’s about 2,500 to 3,300 thoughts per hour!

This is why our choices are critical. A mere 5% of undeserving thoughts may seem insignificant in small doses but scaled up, that equates to over 4,000 negative thoughts per day.

You might ask, “Maria, didn’t you say variety is part of a balanced mental diet?” Yes—but not all thoughts qualify. Some are just mental junk food. Let’s call them Cheeto thoughts—they taste good but provide zero nutritional value.

Examples of Cheeto thoughts:

• “Why me?”

• “I hate when they…”

• “Why did I used to…?”

• “I just need [X], and then I’ll be happy.”

No doctor would ever tell you that your diet is lacking Cheetos. The same goes for these thoughts.

Back to the Chicken… all roads, right? 

Everything you desire—everything—already exists within a version of you that believes it to be true. It is scientifically impossible to live in a reality inconsistent with the thoughts you consistently hold. Your thoughts align with your reality, and reality responds accordingly.

Our Challenge for This Week

Let’s choose one thought per day and take immediate action on it.

• Have fitness goals? Think about your dream body and work out.

• Desire a meaningful relationship? Write a letter to that person.

• See your dream career? Take a course, or watch a video about it.

Thought. Action. Life. That's our beautiful cycle of growth.

This journey isn’t easy. Trust me—I love hot Cheetos, okay? But your destiny is more important than any fleeting indulgence in undeserving thoughts. 

Close your eyes… and imagine a burgundy door with your full name written in glittering gold, the edges glow around the door frame. It’s waiting for you to walk through. Right under your name, there’s a sign hanging. It reads: Welcome home. Behind the door exists, your people, your person, your best life ever. That’s the door you get closer to as you maintain a balanced mental diet.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

How Do I Know When I’m Healed?

Short answer: there isn’t a short answer.

Healing isn’t linear. It happens in waves, in layers, in ways you don’t always recognize until you’re tested. And here’s the truth—your level of healing is only revealed when the wound is touched.

Most people understand PTSD in a general sense, but let’s define it with a little more depth. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an intense emotional response to an event, a phrase, a moment that echoes a previous devastation. I’m not talking about everyday sadness or disappointment—I mean categorical trauma. The kind that rewires you. Betrayal. Abuse. Manipulation. Gaslighting so severe that you start to question reality.

When we endure this kind of damage—whether through toxic relationships or unforeseen calamity—our brain registers it as an emergency and makes a solemn vow: never again. And if we even think about walking down that road again? The brain sounds the alarm and says, “Oh, you wanna try that again? Cool. Here’s a full-body panic attack, like spiders crawling all over you.” That’s what it means to be triggered.

Triggers are the brain’s attempt at self-defense. The trauma loads the gun, and when something even remotely resembles what broke you, the brain fires. What does that look like? Maybe you lash out. Maybe you shut down. Maybe you spiral.

So, how do you know when you’re healed?

Here’s the first sign: You’re no longer triggered.

Your trauma response is like a detour—a road you take to avoid those painful potholes of the past. But if you keep using the detour, how will you ever know if the main road has been repaired?

There are three things that rebuild mental roads:

1. God.

2. Good People.

3. Going Deeper.

God reminds you who you really are. Reading scripture and following His guidance isn’t just about rules—it’s about rebuilding yourself from the inside out.

Good people are the chocolate chips of life. They remind you that the world isn’t all sharp edges and broken glass. They reinforce your healing. And here’s something to consider—triggers aren’t always negative. Someone loving you well can trigger something in you too. A kind gesture. A thoughtful gift. A moment of genuine care. Sometimes, healing requires learning how to receive good things again.

And that leads us to the hardest part…

Going Deeper.

Healing isn’t just about what happened to you—it’s about understanding why you were in that situation to begin with. What was inside of you that tolerated it? That attracted it? That mistook red flags for familiarity?

That’s not about self-blame. It’s about self-responsibility.

Because the truth is, you are the common denominator in your life. You choose your environment, the people you engage with, the way you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set (or don’t). Going deeper means unpacking all of that—not alone, but with someone who can help you make sense of it. A trusted friend. A mentor. A therapist, if you can afford one.

Which brings me to the next sign that you’re healing: You make better decisions.

It’s not your fault if you touch a hot pan once. But if you touch it again—after knowing it burns—you’re working against your own wisdom.

“But Maria, people aren’t hot pans.”

I know. I know. It’s so much more complicated. Sometimes the people who hurt us are the ones we can’t escape. A parent. A co-parent. A boss. Someone who exists in that painful duality—both a source of difficulty and a presence we have to navigate.

That’s hard. But you? You’re harder to break.

You know you’re healing when you’re faced with the same situation that used to unravel you… but you don’t unravel. You respond instead of reacting. You see the moment for what it is—without letting it dictate your emotions.

Let me give you a real example.

One of my kids gaslit me once. And before I healed, that wrecked me. I love my children more than anything, so when I felt unappreciated, I would react with tears and anger. But after doing the work, I faced the same situation with a different response.

She wanted to wear slippers to the mall. I said, “Um, heck no.”
She said, “You just don’t want me to go.”
And there it was—that little sting of emotional manipulation.

The old me would’ve been triggered. But the healed me? I spoke from a place of peace. I said, “Honey, I want to come. But, we’re leaving now and only people without slippers can come.” Humor always helps to reorient relationship frustrations.

How do you respond from a healed place?
Simple. Speak words that represent you five minutes after you’re no longer upset.

In the heat of the moment, ask yourself: What would I say once the emotions settle? And then say that.

It sounds impossible—until you do it.

And that brings us to the final marker of healing: Living in peace.

Not just in your circumstances—but in your mind.

Your thought life is your real life. That’s what creates your world. So ask yourself:

• What does your mental home look like?

• Is it clean and organized?

• Is it semi-tidy with a few closets of chaos?

• Or is it a full-blown TLC Hoarders episode?

Whatever the state of it—you can clean it up. It won’t happen overnight, but healing is a process of making space. Clearing out old narratives. Creating order where there was once disorder.

And about those potholes? Here’s the truth: Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Time helps. But healing comes from a 360-degree approach—mind, body, and soul working together to reclaim your wholeness.

That’s how you live like the version of you who was never hurt.

But listen—there’s no arrival. There’s no finish line where you suddenly have it all figured out. I’m healed, but I’m also still alive. Still growing. Still learning. Still getting better every single day.

So let’s challenge ourselves this week to go deeper.

Ask someone you trust:
"What’s something you think I need to heal from that I might not be noticing?"

Because no matter how much progress we’ve made, we all have blind spots. And the beauty of healing is that it’s never too late to start again.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

How Many Times Can You Start Over?

Short answer: As many times as it takes.

So, you made a plan. You wrote it down, gathered every ounce of commitment energy you could summon, and for a moment, you never felt more sure of yourself. Wiser. Stronger. Ready to transform. And then—three days later—you’re not just back at square one; you’re at square negative five, carrying the weight of self-betrayal. Because breaking a promise to yourself stings in a way nothing else does, after all, if you can’t trust yourself, what kind of trust do you believe in?

Is commitment real if choice is involved? We like to think that when we decide on something, that’s it—decision made, no turning back. Iron-clad plans shouldn’t come with an escape hatch. And yet, we secretly carve one into the walls of our resolve—a hidden revolving door leading us right back to the comfort we swore we’d outgrown.

Why do we do this?

Short answer: We don’t want to make ourselves sad.

Long answer? It’s deeper than just discomfort. Choosing discipline—whether it’s a salad over a burger, saving instead of spending, or choosing peace over retaliation—can trigger a strange kind of sadness. That sadness isn’t weakness; it’s actually proof that your brain is working exactly as it should. Our minds are wired to protect us, to maintain balance, and keep us feeling rewarded, safe, and at ease. So, when we try to disrupt that cycle, our brain fights back, nudging us toward what feels familiar and soothing. Even if "soothing" means staying in patterns that no longer serve us.

And that’s where the real problem lies. If your current programming is built around habits that are keeping you stuck, your brain will keep running those habits like a perfectly functioning app—just with the wrong data.

Imagine a burger factory where all the machines work, the employees are on task, but instead of cheese on the conveyor belt, someone loaded up shredded wood chips. The process is still running, but the final product is useless.

Your brain isn’t the problem. The programming is. And programming is your job.

Your brain doesn’t get to choose what it feeds itself—you do. Your jurisdiction lies in your hands, feet, mouth, eyes, and ears. With your five senses, you get to decide what ingredients you’re feeding your mind, and those ingredients determine the quality of the life you build.

So, let’s ask ourselves these questions this week:

• What can I do with my hands?

• Where can I go with my feet?

• What can I speak into existence—for myself and others?

• What can I watch?

• What can I listen to?

What actions can I take today that will give my brain the right data to build the life I say I want?

Because it’s a partnership. Your brain does the processing, but you control the inputs. And when we take ownership of something, we naturally care for it better. That’s why you should never beat yourself up for starting over—whether it’s your tenth try or your millionth.

You are in the best position possible to begin again—this time, with a new understanding of what real success looks like. It’s not about what you think—it’s about what you do. Change your actions, and your thinking will follow.

Challenge this week:
Guard your ear, eye, and mouth gates. Keep them filled with things that uplift, inspire, and align with your higher self. If you wouldn’t listen to it, watch it, or say it in front of Jesus—give yourself permission to refrain.

Better living is your birthright. Let’s conquer this week together!

Our Pets Heads Are Falling Off

Life is a little too structured and precise to be random. The changing of seasons, the complexities of the human mind, the stars and moon, the Earth suspended in the balance of invisible energy—all of it points to an infinite intelligence.

They say—whoever "they" are—that billions of years ago, a Big Bang erupted with a sudden clash of energy and particles. But where did the particles come from? The inevitable answer is God. No mathematical equation or scientific explanation can quantify how we came to be without acknowledging a Creator. You might ask, “But Maria, who created God?” That’s simple: God exists outside of time. He wasn’t created. He always is, always was, and always will be. He is the Creator.

Think about it: humans create computers, but we don’t live inside them. We aren’t governed by the ones and zeros that power them. Imagine a tiny receptor on a microchip wondering why it’s never seen a human. By the time it starts buzzing with connections, the computer is closed and out of sight. That receptor might only “see” its creator again when the computer shuts off, and the energy stops flowing.

What’s Your Point, Maria?
Right, my point—God isn’t constrained by time, space, or human reasoning. He isn’t limited by the laws of math and science. He is above it all. This truth is the foundation of our trust in Him.

Picture this: you’re on a plane, 30,000 feet in the air, when the pilot has a heart attack. The plane nosedives, and chaos erupts. Luggage flies out of the overhead compartments, and people are screaming. Then, in the midst of it all, someone shouts, “Let me in the cockpit! I’m a pilot!” People cheer as he takes control. Skeptics remain uneasy until the plane stabilizes, but when it does, the screaming stops. The plane lands safely, and relief sweeps over everyone.

Who saved the passengers in this emergency? Someone who knew the most about the environment they were in—a pilot. And that’s just a metaphor. How much more secure would you feel if the pilot not only flew the plane but designed it? What if he created the laws of aerodynamics? That’s God.

When life feels confusing, when you’re trying to be happy but still wrestling with unhappiness, remember that the only one who can truly help is the one who knows everything about your situation: Jesus.

Not only was Jesus there when the foundations of the Earth were formed, but He also lived as a human. He knows what it’s like to feel pain, to cry, to be hurt, to eat, to talk, to travel, and to love. Toward the end of His life, He said, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This wasn’t hyperbole. It was truth. You canovercome the struggles of life.

Normal Questions Hour
How do you trust Jesus? How do you overcome the world? How do you live in peace and happiness?

Start here: God will show you what living for Jesus looks like for you. He speaks through Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Maybe your purpose is to be a mother, a painter, a janitor, a teacher, or a mechanic. No matter what it is, when you live for Him, you’ll find sustainable peace. 

Pets’ Heads?
The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite comedies, Dumb and Dumber. In one scene, Lloyd, frustrated with life, shouts, “We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets’ heads are falling off!” That scene always reminds me how quickly life falls apart when we take our eyes off Jesus.

Life starts making sense when we realize we aren’t just growing for ourselves. Our lives are part of an entire ecosystem, a garden where every flower, tree, and blade of grass connects. Growth isn’t always convenient, but it’s purposeful. When God prunes us, it hurts. When He removes someone we love or allows hardship, it’s to draw us closer to Him.

We’re spiritual warriors. Warriors get injured, but they also rise and fight again.

Chin Up, My Dear Reader
Just like God created the world, He also created your smile. Let it remind you that you are never outside His divine control.

God’s plans are higher than ours. His perspective is supernatural. He creates us with purpose, just as a company like Apple designs laptops to function well and uphold their brand. How much more, then, does God create us to thrive?

Recap of Last Week
Last week, I didn’t make a self-improvement plan. I needed a break from the mental gymnastics of stepping out of my comfort zone. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

If you’re still tracking with me, here’s a challenge: make a 12-hour plan. Start small. Practice your new habits from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM. Before or after that, do you. We’re growing together, one half-day at a time.

As those half-days pile up, they’ll turn into months, years, and eventually a lifetime of living our best lives for God.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

Where’s My Wagon?

Where’s My Wagon?

All plans to change and cut something off cold turkey sound easy in theory. “Just say no.” Be strong. Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want the outcome badly enough, you’ll stick with it, right?

Wrong.

There’s a tricky thing I call the “head cuffs.” Your hands are free to act, but when we break promises to stop overeating, losing our temper, watching porn, or overindulging in anything toxic, it’s often because our mind is bound by a threefold chain.

What’s this chain made of? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. This bondage we all succumb to at some point in life is one part emotional fluctuation, one part toxic personal narrative, and one part unexpected disturbances.

Here’s how it happens:
We make a commitment. The goal feels so close we can almost touch it. It excites us, fills us with hope, and fuels our determination to change. But here’s the kicker—the version of you that makes the plan isn’t the version of you that struggles with the problem. Can you relate? The part of you that dreams of change is optimistic and lives in the realm of possibility. But the part of you stuck in old patterns is weighed down by that threefold chain.

Stages of Give-Up-ness

1. Emotional Fluctuation

Emotions are fabulous passengers on the journey to change—they cheer, sing along, and bring snacks. But the moment they grab the wheel? Disaster. They’ll steer you straight into a ditch.

Here’s the truth: emotions fluctuate based on what you eat, how you sleep, who calls, what happens at work, or what drama unfolds at home. Life’s ups and downs make the battleground of “Day One Temptation” feel like stepping into a boxing ring with a heavyweight champ. Your emotions are already doing so much to keep you functional that introducing a new pattern sets off their alarms. They’ll send a little memo to your brain: “Just start this another day.”

Spoiler alert: another day never comes. Unless you form a contingency plan.

Here’s where prayer comes in. Prayer helps stabilize your emotional equilibrium. When emotions are ready to hijack the ride, God can steady the wheel and keep you moving forward.

2. Toxic Personal Narrative

By the end of the day, your personal narrative shows up like a rowdy roommate flipping the couch, tearing down the blinds, and throwing eggs at you. Why? Because you’re not acting like “you.”

Your personal narrative is the story you’ve written about who you are, based on your actions. And let me tell you, that story doesn’t care for edits. It says, “We’ve been through so much together, and now you want to toss me out?”

The truth? Yes. The old narrative has to die. Why? Because it’s rotten. It will infect every page of your new life if you let it. You rewrite the story of “who I am” not with words, but with repeated actions—sunrises and sunsets where you choose differently.

3. Unexpected Disturbances

Ever noticed how the moment you’re on a roll, something comes along to knock the wind out of you? It’s like Murphy’s Law is lurking, waiting for you to write a positive plan so it can throw a wrench in the works.

Here’s a highlight reel of my own:

• The only day my youngest ever peed in her car seat? The day we moved across the country.

• I found out about my ex-husband’s affair two hours after a glorious baby shower where I felt like a princess.

• I was laid off three months after moving 3,000 miles away from my remote job’s headquarters.

• The worst argument of my life? Four hours after decorating for a party.

Life has impeccable timing, doesn’t it? But these disturbances remind us that we’re trying to change in the same circumstances that stress us out, with the same mind that binds us.

But There’s Hope

The Bible says to die to self—not as a lofty idea, but as a real, practical approach. Changing requires a mind purge. Start at zero. Talk to God about the problem. Don’t rush into a plan.

Here’s why: that toxic behavior wasn’t born overnight, and it won’t disappear overnight either. Remember that car I mentioned? Emotions can’t drive it. Neither can you. If you try, you’ll end up at a dead end.

God is the driver. Surrender the wheel. Spend time in prayer, meditate on His word, and dream with Him about the life you want. Take as long as you need until you fully grasp this: you cannot change alone.

God says, “I am the vine; you are the branches” (John 15:5).
Stay connected to Him. When temptation strikes? Pray. When life throws you curveballs? Pray. When your personal narrative mocks you? Pray.

The Bible reminds us:

• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).

• “The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18).

So, You Fell Off the Wagon?

Good. Wagons aren’t built for positive change. You’re not riding in one anymore. You’re in the passenger seat with God, who leads us into a consistent life of victory.

Last time we met, I mentioned reflecting on a time God showed you favor. That exercise lifted my spirits!

This week, here’s the challenge: don’t make a new plan. Don’t even think about it. Spend the week talking to God about who you want to become. Ask Him for help.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him, my heart trusts, and I am helped” (Psalm 28:7).

Until next time, dearest,
Maria 🌹

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Me?

Life is unpredictable, isn’t it? One moment, everything feels steady, and the next, the ground beneath us gives way. Someone is badly injured, and the pain ripples far into the future. Someone dies. Someone walks out of your life, maybe forever. A diagnosis arrives, leaving you shattered. Or someone says words that cut so deep you wonder if they’ll ever heal.

Why do these things happen? And, more importantly, what are we supposed to do when life takes such a turn? Is there even a way to rise above these moments—to find a state of bliss, peace, and acceptance no matter what life throws at us?

The short answer: no. But don’t click away just yet—stay with me while we unpack what to do when life hands you lemons that turn out to be grenade-shaped and blow up everything you thought you knew.

The Aftershock: Emotional Whiplash

When bad things happen, the emotional aftermath can feel like a tidal wave. Here are three common responses people experience when hurt strikes. Let me know if any of these resonate with you:

Feeling Shortchanged
The immediate reaction is often to wish you could turn back time—five minutes, five hours, five days—because back then, life was still good. Or at least better than it is now. There’s a sense of injustice: “Why me?” you think, as you grapple with how chaos can exist in a world where seasons, gravity, and mathematics exist in perfect order.

Looking for Someone to Blame
When the dust settles, our minds naturally turn to the question: “Who’s responsible for this?” We replay events, searching for answers, hoping to uncover how this happened and, more importantly, how to prevent it from ever happening again.

Grieving Deeply
Sometimes, tears aren’t enough. You want to scream, punch something, or take your heartbreak straight to God and demand restitution for every tear you’ve shed. Grief is raw, messy, and impossible to ignore.

So, What Do We Do?

I’m no expert—I’m just a 34-year-old woman navigating life on this wild planet. But I know someone who is an expert: God. Let’s explore these emotional stages through His lens, guided by His word.

When You Feel Shortchanged

Feeling shortchanged hurts—whether it’s from people, circumstances, or even life itself. But God sees you, and He sees your pain. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Trusting God with what feels unfair can lead to peace you never expected.

But here’s the tricky part: guarding your heart. Bitterness can take root quickly when life feels unjust. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us, “Get rid of all bitterness… Be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook—it means freeing yourself to move forward, trusting God to handle the rest.

And when the shortchanging comes from loss, especially death, the weight can feel unbearable. Yet God meets us in our grief. Psalm 34:18 promises, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” And Jesus reminds us in John 11:25-26, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”

Let His comfort hold you. You are not alone.

When You’re Looking for Someone to Blame

Blame feels natural in moments of pain. We think it’ll give us clarity, but God calls us to something deeper.

Take Job, for instance. He lost everything—his family, his health, his livelihood. If anyone had a right to blame someone, it was him. Yet his response was stunning: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21). He trusted God’s plan, even in his heartbreak.

Or consider the story in John 9, where Jesus’ disciples asked, “Who sinned—this man or his parents?” about a man born blind. Jesus shut it down, saying, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3). Not everything bad is about blame—sometimes, it’s about God’s greater purpose.

Jesus Himself wrestled with surrendering to God’s will. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39). Trusting God isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

Forgiveness is key here, too. Colossians 3:13 urges us, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” It’s not about saying the hurt was okay—it’s about choosing peace over resentment.

When You Just Need to Cry

God doesn’t shy away from our tears. Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Every tear matters to Him.

Even Jesus wept. When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus cried openly, despite knowing He’d raise him moments later (John 11:35). Crying is not a lack of faith—it’s a deeply human response that God embraces.

Matthew 11:28 invites us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And Revelation 21:4 promises, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

Let your tears flow to the One who cares for you deeply.

Why Do Bad Things Happen?

The hard truth is, we don’t always get to know. God’s plans are bigger than our understanding. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

But here’s what we do know: God’s heart is good. His plans, even when they hurt, are filled with purpose. And while we may not get answers, we can trust His love to guide us through the pain.

What’s Next?

Your job isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to trust the One who does. Bring your questions to God. He isn’t threatened by your doubts or fears. In fact, He invites them. Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find.” (Matthew 7:7-8).

God’s love is big enough to hold your pain, your questions, and your hope. He sees you, hears you, and promises to never leave you alone in your sorrow.

So, when life hands you those grenade-shaped lemons, remember: God is still writing your story, and the next chapter might just surprise you with His grace.

Trust me, I get it—I really do. You’ve heard it all before: “God knows, trust His plan, trust the process.” But here’s the question—have you actually done it? Have you truly surrendered? Embrace the freedom that comes only from letting go of your own will, dying to self, and living fully for Jesus.

This isn’t a one-and-done decision. It’s a daily surrender—morning, afternoon, and evening. So, my question for you is this: Have you surrendered your way for God’s way today?

Hack Your Brain

What is a "Meh Day"? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s when your brain gets hijacked by a mental computer virus called “Nothing’s Working.” This corrupted code weaves its way through your mind, convincing you—just for a day—that life is nothing more than a black-and-white film that never made it to the box office. The truth is, mental viruses like these don’t last longer than a day—unless we choose to feed them.

So, what do we do when sulking takes over and “woe is me” begins to set up shop in our mental control center? The only thing we can do: hack the hack. After all, while we aren’t literal computers, we are complex beings running on mental algorithms, coding, and programs that keep us in flow and shape who we are. Oh yeah, back to the question—how do we hack the hack?

Let me take you to one of my favorite scenes from Independence Day. Remember when Jeff Goldblum’s character realizes the aliens planted a virus in Earth’s computer system to locate and destroy our most prized cities and monuments? At first, humanity feels powerless. But then Goldblum has an epiphany after his father mentions the common cold. “That’s it!” he exclaims. “I’m gonna give them a virus.” He flips the script and hacks the hacker. If you haven’t seen this film, please pause here and enrich your life with this sci-fi classic.

I love this part because it illustrates such a profound truth: sometimes the best way to rise above a problem is to beat it at its own game.

So, what do viruses do? They mimic the internal dialogue of the mind, implant negative, self-defeating thought patterns (like consecutive bad code), and try to overwhelm us with repetition and falsehoods. The scariest part? These lies are often so close to the truth that they pass as valid inputs. Oh, they’re clever. But guess what? You’re better.

God equipped us with the ability to override these mental viruses. He gave us memory—the ultimate hack.

Viruses thrive on the present moment, using current challenges to cloud our future. But memory has the power to debunk their lies. It reminds us of our victories, our breakthroughs, and God’s faithfulness. And when we pair our willpower with God’s will, something incredible happens: clarity. I call it the cure of clarity.

Mental viruses work hard to make the future seem foggy. They whisper lies like, “Nothing’s working. You’ll keep trying to improve your life, but something will always come along to destroy it. So why even bother?” Don’t buy it. Override the lie.

Use your memory to recall a time when God came through for you—when He delivered a Hail Mary and rescued you from a daunting situation. Or think of a time when you worked hard, reached your goal, and celebrated the outcome. These moments remind us that it’s always God working behind the scenes. He aligns our steps, clears paths where none exist, and shapes our lives according to His divine plan. It’s not our striving that makes things happen—it’s His intervention. Not sometimes. Always.

So, hack the hack, dear reader. Don’t let mental viruses make you forget the blessings you’ve experienced or the beauty of life. Rainy days—and even rainy seasons—happen. But rain isn’t a sign of stagnation; it’s evidence of growth. It means blooming is on the horizon.

Oh, and let’s not forget those mirror affirmations. I did mine last week—missed a couple of days—but nailed it five times, and I felt incredible. Progress, not perfection, right?

Here’s your next step: take a moment today to stroll down memory lane. Recall a time when God showed you favor. Let that memory anchor you and remind you of the truth: no virus stands a chance against His plan.

Until next time,
Maria 🌹

The Shoulder Minion

Celibate in the City

What does it mean to abstain? Are there things we convince ourselves we can avoid, only to find they pull us back in? Is withdrawal just a season, or can it last a lifetime? I asked myself these questions when I decided to consciously withdraw from having sex.

What was once a fun act full of passion, romance, and unexpected natural highs eventually became a source of mental torment. I didn’t want to believe sex was meant for marriage. The thought made me cringe, mostly because I didn’t think it was sustainable. After all, I have a high sex drive. Can you have a happy relationship without going there together? I didn’t think it was possible. Sometimes I still wonder. But I know that’s just my fear talking.

Is there something you want to remove from your life for a season or for good? What brought you to this place?

I’ll never forget two days before Valentine’s Day seven years ago. I had just had “schlintercourse” with a guy I’d been dating for two months. I asked him, “So, do we have any plans for Tuesday?” The glee of promise and smitten wonder was written all over my face. His response brought me back to earth:

“Oh, I totally forgot. I’m sorry. It is Valentine’s Day the day after tomorrow, huh?”

The “huh” at the end gut-punched me. I was supposed to confirm his disregard, detachment, and complete absentmindedness—while simultaneously understanding that I was just another notch on his belt.

The next day, he broke up with me, citing that he wasn’t ready to be a stepdad. My children were 10 and 11 at the time. The first thought in my head was, “That would’ve been great to know before you put on a condom.” I’ve never reached out to him, nor have I heard from him since.

But here’s my point: That day, I fell out of love with what I call “see where it goes” sex.

He wasn’t a bad guy. But you know what else he wasn’t? My husband. So who was he? A man who felt no obligation or responsibility toward me. And even if he did, he could still pack his bags and walk out of my life just the same.

A Lightbulb Moment

Oh. That’s why God said sex is for marriage. It’s not just a clever way to reach some higher moral ground. It’s the consummation of a contract. The agreement says, You take care of me, I’ll take care of you—forever.

And even if you get divorced, the principles of that agreement remain in effect. Ask anyone paying spousal or child support. Sex is one of those life-changing practices you need to get right, or your whole life can feel wrong.

How Did I Conquer It?

I haven’t had sex in a very long time, and I don’t have pretend sex with myself, either. How? I screwed my way to abstinence—pun intended. It took a few more years after that Valentine’s Day disaster to reach ironclad solidarity. But I’m here now, and my arrival is nothing short of a miracle.

Dear reader, you can conquer your flesh. That voice whispering in your ear—the shoulder minion—is nothing more than a spokesman for your past. It tells you how lonely, bored, overweight, or sober you are. It wants you to repeat patterns that don’t serve you because, as long as you do, it has a job.

There are versions of ourselves that must die—thinking loops that must be killed on the battlefield of our minds. But there are no guns or spears in this fight. Just starvation pods. When you starve a thought long enough, it dies.

And here’s the twist: This is the walking dead. Even if you starve it and it dies, picking up those old thinking patterns can resurrect that toxic behavior—worse than before.

How Do You Do This?

Addictive behaviors come with an entire administrative department in your mind, working to keep you down. Why? Because glowing up means discomfort. Every internal memo they send has this at the top: You will be uncomfortable.

But here’s the amazing news: YOU are the President. You rule. You veto. You dismiss. You have complete control over what happens in your mind and the actions you take.

This Is a “We” Journey

I still battle negative, defeating thoughts every single day. Take my hand—virtually. I’m in this with you. We got this. One day at a time, we will override those limiting beliefs.

Will you try an exercise with me this week? Look in the mirror and say:

“I am an overcomer, and I will rise to accomplish my goals today.”

Say it three times in the mirror every day this week.

I can’t wait to report back next Sunday. Until then, peace be with you.

Maria 🌹